Catelyn Winona
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A Story about a Knight
🕑 Added 2020-12-31 03:16:17 +0000 UTCI love writing guilty characters so this prompt was right up my alley! I hope you enjoy reading :D
The prompt:
You are a warrior pledged to protect a chosen priestess on her quest to quell a great evil. What she finds at the end of her journey is not a dark god or towering beast. She now stands before an altar of sacrifice. You knew the truth the whole time, you just couldn’t bear to tell her.
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You are not a knight.
You were once. A long time ago. Back when the skies were still blue overhead, and you could hear the bustle of life floating on the wind from town. You remember the feeling of pride that stole through you when the house you served bestowed upon you your first sword. Back then, you stood tall and your armor gleamed in the sun. There were brothers and sisters who stood with you, who believed in what you believed, who took the same oaths you took.
Lin won’t turn around. Her long, black hair is blowing faintly in the breeze and the torn edges of her green traveling cloak flutter around her calves. In front of her lies the ruins of a once great temple, crumbling pillars on either side of a massive set of stone steps. Every surface is covered in a thick, wet moss that smells like the rain that just passed through.
The altar at the base of the stairs leading to the temple, however, shines as if newly polished.
It is not the first time that you’ve betrayed Lin, though it is perhaps the one betrayal that necessitated the smaller ones before. You stand behind her with your shoulders bowed, hands balanced on the hilt of your sword, point driven into the earth. You want to hide your face, but you won’t. Your honor has long since been lost, but your sense of duty hasn’t.
You owe at least this to her.
You stand, feet braced, and wait.
------------------.
No one in the kingdom knows that it’s evil at first.
They think it’s just war which, while evil enough, is human. It’s winnable or even negotiable with the right rulers at the helm. So it’s just war for years and the kingdom sends troops and squadrons in waves to the north, never questioning why the King’s letter to the North’s King goes unanswered. A King goes mad every dozen years it seems.
No reason to suspect quite yet.
It isn’t until the fires come that the truth comes out.
You are a knight when the dead wash across the country. You don’t recognize those wretched and foul creatures for what they are at first—you think they are soldiers from the north, breaching the border to overtake your lord’s lands.
But then you see them for yourself and you finally understand what evil is.
There isn’t anything to do but fight at that point. You fight for your land and your sisters and brothers in arms, for your lord and your family, for your kingdom and your life. The dead don’t die in the traditional sense of the word. The bodies of the fallen rise and are cut down again and whatever thing possesses them moves onto the next corpse. It’s a hideous and horrifying cycle that you can’t break. There is no hope of breaking it.
Until, of course, the prophecy.
---------------.
When Lin finally turns, you are surprised to see her eyes are dry. Once again, you are struck by how young she is (though barely younger than yourself). Her unlined face and blade-like nose don’t betray all that she’s been through. Like you, she’s had to fight.
Unlike you, she never had a choice.
“You knew.” Her voice is filled with gravel and pain, none of which shows on her face.
Your stomach flips and you take a moment to make sure you’re not going to throw up. “I did.”
She nods and looks over her shoulder where the altar lies. It’s obsidian surface seems to absorb all light. Again, she’s silent.
I’m sorry. The words beat at the back of your teeth, but an apology here won’t help her. It’ll only help you.
When you first met Lin, you thought she’d run at this point. You thought she would learn what exactly her fate would be and she’d throw away everything to survive. You imagined having to drag her to the altar and doing the deed yourself. Then you met her, traveled with her, bonded with her and now you know you won’t have to do anything of the sort.
Somehow, rather than making your feel better, the fact that Lin has always been willing to sacrifice herself makes you feel worse.
---------------.
It is not the first time in the kingdom’s history that there has been a prophecy. It is the first time in the kingdom’s history that there is no King to pass judgement on it. The King is dead when the Royal Magician divines the path to the end of this evil and no one is there to decide things in the King’s stead.
It is you and five other knights who do what has to be done. You take the prophecy from the magician at her death bed and the next morning the six of you set out to fulfill it.
You’re still a knight when you leave the ruins of the capital, the secret of the prophecy held close to your chest.
You’re still a knight when your first brother falls in the search for the Priestess. When he begs you to see this through, to protect the wife and children he is leaving behind, you’re a knight as you swear an oath to him to do so.
(You swear a lot of oaths after that.)
You’re still a knight when you and you alone find the Priestess protecting an orphanage from an onslaught of undead.
You’re still a knight when you help her save the children and escort them to one of the rare fortresses left.
You’re still a knight when, exhilarated from saving lives, you share a drink with her that night.
And when she promises to come with you to defeat the evil, you’re still a knight (barely) as you wrestle with whether or not you will tell her all that will entail.
(“Please. Promise me you will see this through.”)
You have failed your brothers and sisters in so many things. You will not fail them in this.
When you meet her in the morning to start your journey to the temple, you smile and greet her. When she asks if you slept well, you lie.
You are no longer a knight.
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Lin won’t look at you. She’s turned away from you again, staring at the obsidian altar. The sun is high in the sky, but it won’t be for long.
Both of you know that time is running out.
“If—” you choke, hardly aware of when you decided to speak. “If there was another way…”
“I know.” Her voice is flat. When she turns to you again, her lips are pursed. “I know there was no other way, Gail. I figured that out myself.”
You flinch. “Lin, I shouldn’t have—”
“I have to figure it out myself,” Lin says as if you hadn’t spoken, “I always have to figure everything out myself because you, apparently, never tell me anything.”
You briefly consider what it’d be like to have the earth swallow you whole where you stand. You swallow. “I couldn’t.”
“I know.” At last there’s emotion in her voice. Her black eyes glitter with fury. “Or, rather, I know you think you couldn’t. The lady knight has so many secrets, after all, so many promises to keep. Why am I surprised my death is be one of them?”
Your leather gloves creak as your grip tightens on your sword. You know it’s not the time, that this isn’t what she needs to hear, but you can’t keep the words back. “I’m sorry.”
“So am I.” Her shoulders are square as she faces you, jaw working. “I’m sorry that after everything I’ve been through, everything I’ve confided to you, everything I hoped for, my story ends here without a single friend by my side.”
You flinch so hard that your hands come off your sword, a fatal sin for a knight (you are no longer a knight). “I-I’m still your friend.”
“Months,” Lin says. “Months of traveling together. I told you—my god, I told you everything. Anything that came across my mind, anything important to me, because—I just wanted to know you, Gail, and be known by you. This entire time and you—you’ve been putting up with it because I was just a dead woman walking.”
“That’s not why.” You stumble forward, horrified at the idea. “No, I never put up with it. Everything you shared was—I remember—” you trip over your words, trying to express how it felt to be trusted with these things, to have Lin let you in, little by little, to know her. “I wanted to know everything.”
“Why?” Lin’s hands clenched at her sides. “To assuage your guilt? It’s fine that I’m leading her to her death so long as I remember her—”
“No!” You step towards her, desperate for to understand. “That’s not why.”
“Then why?” Lin matches your move forward, eyes alight with rage and a deep, deep hurt. “Why, Gail? Why even bother to listen to me when you knew—”
“I never meant—”
“—knew that you wouldn’t need to put up with me for very long—”
“Don’t say that, that’s not how it was—”
“Then why? Tell me why you even pretended—"
“It wasn’t pretend—”
“—when you didn’t need to—"
“Because I love you!”
The world goes silent. The roar of blood in your ears stops and the quiet rings so loudly that you can hardly hear your harsh breaths over it. Lin is staring at you, eyes wide and lips parted. You’re so close that you can see the flecks of amber in her black irises and the dusting of freckles across her nose. For the first time, you have to look away from her, your courage failing you now of all times.
“Because I love you,” you repeat quietly. You stare at the toes of your boots, hands clenching and unclenching at your sides. “I shouldn’t. You’re right—I’ve led you to your death. I knew I would the day we met and I—I said nothing. I deserve every hell this world has to offer for what I did, but I—I never pretended to care about you.”
Lin doesn’t say anything, but neither does she move away. Her breathing is soft and even, meditative.
You swallow. “I’m sorry.” You are. You are so sorry that you can barely find a way to get the words out around the storm of grief and shame in your chest. “I’m sorry. You deserve—I don’t have the right to love you. I don’t have the right to—” You bite your lip so hard that you taste blood. “I know I will never be forgiven. I’m not asking—I’m not asking for forgiveness.”
When you choke on the words, Lin finally speaks. Her voice is so quiet that you nearly mistake it for the wind. “What are you asking?”
“Let me stay here,” you say desperately. You’ve never begged before in your life, not even when you held comrade after comrade in your arms. You are begging now. “Let me stay beside you until—until the end. No—” you reach out and grab her by the arms “—not just that. Let me meet my end here too, by your side. I know I have no right, but I just can’t—”
A long time ago, you might be mortified to feel your throat close with tears. You feel no shame for them now, not in front of her. She can have your tears, she can have anything she wants, even if she wishes to banish you from her sight.
“This isn’t fair.” Lin doesn’t knock your hands away and you can feel her trembling in your grip. “Damn it, Gail, you’re not being fair.”
You know you’re not. You’re preying on her kindness, even now, consuming everything she gives and offering nothing in return. There is an awful, horrible part of you that hopes Lin takes pity on you. You let go of her and, feeling vulnerable, wrap your arms around yourself. “Please.”
“We could have had this.” Lin’s words are harsh and biting. “If you weren’t so focused on keeping your secrets, we could have had this.”
Your head jerks up. It takes a moment for Lin’s face to swim back into view through your tears. Surely you’re mishearing her. “What?”
“All these months of you holding me at arm’s length. It wasn’t because you weren’t interested, it was because you knew it would end here.” She laughs and there’s no humor in the sound. “That’s not fair.”
“I couldn’t do that to you,” you say. “I would never do that to you. Not when I was lying—”
“We could have had this!” Lin is yelling now. She jabs a finger at you. “I know you aren’t so stupid as to not know how I feel—felt about you. You knew and you didn’t say anything because of your fucking secrets. Don’t muddle things, Gail. You didn’t tell me you loved me not for my benefit, but for yours.”
Your jaw drops. “N-no, that’s not what I—”
“You and I both know that when the sun goes down, I’m going to get on that altar,” Lin spits, stabbing her finger at the altar behind her. “I could have gone with memories of us, of the last few months being filled with love and light, but instead…this. You stand there, begging me to forgive you, and I go knowing you betrayed me.”
“Lin,” you say. You don’t know what else you are going to say. You’re gutted by the hurt on her face and in her voice. “That’s not what I…”
“I know,” Lin says. She also wraps her arms around herself. “It’s worse because I know. I want to be angry. I should get to be angry without my mind telling me what you meant. But I love you and I know you this isn’t what you wanted.”
You’re agreeing even as your stomach is twisting so hard it hurts. “It’s not, but that’s—you should be angry. You should never forgive me.”
“I shouldn’t,” she says. Then she takes a deep breath. “But I do.”
Whatever you were about to say sticks in your throat. Your mouth is so dry that it takes three attempts to speak. “Y-you can’t.”
“I can,” Lin says, chin jerking up. “I can and I will because it’s what I need, Gail. I love you and I refuse to die bearing this grudge for you.”
“Lin, I—”
“You want me to hate you,” Lin says. This time she’s the one to reach out and her hand lands feather-light on your cheek. “That’s why you lied even when you knew you didn’t need to. You needed me to hate you like you hate yourself for doing what you’ve done. I won’t. That’s not what I need or want.”
You’re electrified by her touch. It’s like your entire head empties of everything but the feel of her callouses against your weather-worn cheek. “I—you.” You swallow. “You should hate me. I lied to you—”
“Yes, you did.” Lin’s thumb strokes across your cheekbone. “If things were different, we could fight for weeks about it. But here and now, I don’t need a fight. I need the woman I love by my side while I do what needs to be done.”
Your hand comes up to cover hers, trapping it there. Your eyes close and, unable to speak, you nod. She should hate you, should never want to touch you, should curse you until her last breath, but you—
Anything she asks, you’ll give. Even if you don’t deserve what she’s asking.
The sun is sliding towards the treetops, the shadows going long and dark as the minutes pass. It’s hard to say what you and she do during that time. There is gentle, light touches and long looks into each other’s eyes. There is being with each other in a way that you’ve never allowed. Totally and completely, unaware of what brought you to this point or what burdens your soul bears.
You hold her because she asked and she needs it and you, selfishly, try to commit everything to memory because—
Well, because you love her.
“Okay,” Lin says as the world darkens around you. The temple looms above you, a haunting voyeur to this last moment. She pulls away to meet your eyes. “It’s time.”
Heart in your throat, you nod and allow her to pull you up and towards the altar.
It takes every last bit of honor inside of you to not stop her. To not cast her behind you and jump onto the obsidian yourself, though you know that your death means nothing here. Instead, you demurely follow her and watch as she reaches one hand out over the face of it.
You step up beside her, both of your hands wrapped around her other arm. “I’m here.”
Lin looks up at you from under her thick dark hair. There’s something sad in her eyes and, beyond it, something very hard. “I know.” She licks her lips. “Don’t watch?”
“What—”
Lin blasts you away from her with pure, unfiltered magic. The clearing in front of the altar lights with the gold of her magic, leaving spots in your eyes when you hit the ground dozens of feet away. You can’t see her, can’t see anything, but you know exactly what she’s done.
You surge to your feet. “No!” The word is more a roar than a word, a bellow of denial. “LIN!”
The altar is glowing with her magic now, gold and silver and white. She’s leaning over it, hands flat against the surface and hair writhing in the air as the magic continues to rush out of her.
You’re running before the spots fully clear from your vision. You won’t—she saved you. Why did she do that? Why did she do that when she knew you wanted, no needed, to be by her side?
The waves of magic cut at you, pushing you back a step for every two steps you gain. You shield your eyes with your forearm, trying to keep sight of Lin. You won’t let her do this alone. You won’t.
You fight. It feels like the first days of fighting, all those years ago. You plant your feet and you push because you—
Well, you’re a knight. You’re a knight and Lin is your Lady.
There’s a swell of something in your chest at that realization. It’s—pride, maybe. Desperation and shame and hope and everything rolled into one.
(it’s love)
Then, after hours or maybe only seconds, you reach her. You grab her shoulder and try to pull her away. She’s hot to the touch, almost as if she were made of fire, and doesn’t seem to notice your attempt. You can hear her muttering under her breath, words tripping and rolling their way out of her mouth unconsciously.
“—for the country, for the kids, for her, for the country, for the kids, for her---”
“For us,” you say and do the only thing you can. You wrap yourself around her from behind and slam your hands onto the altar on either side of hers. “Please.” Please let it be enough.
For a moment, you don’t think it’s going to work. You feel her body going colder against your chest, her words fading as the magic screams around you. And then—
And then it feels like your soul is being sucked out of your body.
You scream. Or, rather, you think you do. The sacrifice wrenches at the deepest parts of you, ripping through memories and magic like tissue paper. Your life flashes before your eyes and you relive every death of a comrade, every time you despaired, every time you cried. It’s hell in ways you never knew hell could be and yet—
Lin’s face floats into your mind’s eye as your body is dismantled molecule by molecule. Her smile and her laugh, her quiet humor and calloused hands held in yours. There is not nearly enough of her here, in your final moment, but you’re drowning in her all the same. It’s not enough and overwhelming at the same time.
Her?
You start at a voice that isn’t your own here in this maelstrom of magic. It’s—you know at once that you’re not speaking to another human. This, you think, is a god.
Yes, you say. It’s hard to gather your thoughts, but you do, scraping and clawing until you are practically throwing the words at this being. Save her. Take me. Please.
You are not a Priestess, the being says. It’s voice is low and mocking. You are not even a knight.
Please, you say. Not Lin. Just me.
The voice drifts closer to you and the magic burns. You feel as if your skin has been melted clean from your bones as the voice speaks again. You will never know her—or anyone—again. You will be gone as if you never were. You will not know or be known.
And that—that hurts. Without you there are so many who will be forgotten, who will never be known by the people they saved. Lin won’t remember you and you won’t remember her, but—
But she’ll be alive.
Please, you say desperately. You are distantly aware of something moving in your arms and, even more distantly, of someone shouting your name. Save her.
The voice sneers. You mean it. Unfortunate. So did she. The pain intensifies as the voice draws even closer. If you had faltered even once...There is always next time.
The magic disappears between one breath and the next. You gasp for air as your awareness slams into your body all at once. You—you’re alive. You’re alive and Lin—
Lin stares up at you, trapped in between your arms and the obsidian altar behind her. Tears stream down her cheeks. “Gail?”
“Oh gods,” you say. You feel dizzy with relief. “It worked.”
Lin’s hands shakily come up to cup your cheeks. “You idiot. I told you not to—”
You kiss her. You try to tell her that there will be time to fight later. That there will be a later with both of you in it. That you will follow her wherever she chooses to go if only she would let you.
To your relief, she kisses you back.
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Thanks for reading! Hope you all are having a wonderful night!
