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Chapter 180: A Treatise On Royal History
🕑 Added 2023-11-15 02:10:07 +0000 UTCHigh above me, snatches of golden light peeked through a canopy of waltzing leaves, teasing a dazzling, evening sky.
And then a tree root tried to murder me.
A gentle breeze swept through the underbrush, inviting the balm of dew upon my skin while fronds of swaying grass brushed at my legs.
And then a tree root tried to murder me.
The scent of pollen washed away by days of spring rain tickled my nose, leaving the taste of nostalgia lingering in the warm air.
And then a tree root tried to murder me.
As my soft footsteps carried me past thickets laden with all the colours of the season, I was welcomed by the song of nightingales chirping amidst the foliage, the foxes peeking from their dens … and the overgrown, gnarled roots attempting to claim my ankles where the drunken guests at the Royal Villa’s soirées continually failed.
So.
A forest.
Again.
For a moment, I paused as a drifting leaf fell upon the front of my hair. I gently brushed it away, feeling the dampness of my skin as a bead of sweat threatened to mar my immaculate image.
And then I threw my arms out in exasperation.
“What … What part of this is the premium tour package?!”
This was awful!
Here I was, being guided at no cost … and still I wished to demand a refund!
A maze of unkempt wilderness, boasting stinging nettles hidden amidst slippery mud and twisted roots grown sentient with greed through the cries of tripped maidens!
Why, I was practically dinner!
Beside me, I heard a giggle as Coppelia made light of my turmoils.
She hummed as she skipped amidst the fallen leaves, the low branches attempting to greet my forehead finding even less purchase with her as she simply bounded over the more egregious like a sprightly doe.
“Say, have you ever been here before?”
“No, I’ve not.”
“Ooh! In that case, you should be in tourist mode! Go on. Take in the new and colourful sights of green trees, red trees and what looks like a tree but it’s something you should definitely stay away from.”
I smiled in response, lightly raising my hand to my lips.
As expected, my loyal handmaiden could be relied upon to lift my spirits when nature itself sought to weigh upon it.
“Ohoho … really now. While it’s true that this is the furthest I’ve traversed in my kingdom, the fact is that so long as a single blade of my grass exists below me, it is as home to me as my bedroom. To gawk like some countryside baroness discovering cutlery for the first time would be churlish.”
Coppelia plucked away a leaf from her own hair.
She studied it for a moment, then tossed it aside. Whatever her standards were, I’d never know.
“I hope your bedroom is tidier.”
“It is. I have maids.” I paused. “Although that isn’t to say that my bedroom isn’t naturally tidy, of course.”
“I bet it’s full of socks.”
My mouth widened in horror.
Coppelia … how long had she been spying on me?!
“Oho … ohohohoho! D-Don’t be ridiculous. Just because I’m a princess doesn’t mean I’m slovenly. Indeed, each time the maids enter my bedroom, they can do little else but to roll their eyes as they search for something to do!”
“I bet your maids have some fun stories to tell.”
“If they do, then they may do so after their 800 year non-disclosure agreement ceases to be in effect.”
“Oh boy, they’re gonna be super grumpy after that long.”
“Nonsense. To work in any capacity in the Royal Villa is the height of happiness. Especially as it offers a stunning panoramic of those who do not. Moreover, I’m also there as the elixir to all their sadness. Or I should be.”
I shook my head with regret.
Why, I had little doubt that even now, the maids pined for each moment they could not hurry to answer my unreasonable demands.
A shame I failed to bring a bell.
Were it possible, I’d requisition every maid to assist in some desperately needed pruning.
Indeed … as soon as I could direct some of my staff here, I could lay the blame on whatever forest destruction happened squarely on their shoulders instead!
Ohhoohoho! That’s right! So long as I held even a smidgeon of plausible deniability, my mother could never scold me!
Fortunately, possible help existed nearby.
“Lacking my maids, perhaps I could enlist the garrison for some assistance?”
“... To wage war on the trees?”
“I wouldn’t call it that. A single excursion armed with shears should be all that’s required. As guards tasked with the defence of the kingdom, the encroachment of such unkempt vegetation surely counts as a national threat to our prestige.”
“You could also try asking Miss Pixie if there’s a super premium tour package. It might come with a nice hiking trail. And hopefully less bugs.”
A noble suggestion. Yet sadly a tall order.
“I’m afraid the pixie in question would need to stay still long enough to be queried.”
Our erstwhile guide was busy searching for the least serviceable route available.
Ignorant to my forthcoming review over her tour, she weaved between the branches, occasionally disappearing entirely amidst the greenery as she led the way.
I offered my acknowledgement. To hover just far enough away to disavow herself of any complaints heard was a laudable skill.
“You know, I’m surprised you’re not more used to this yet,” mused Coppelia, twirling just for the sake of it. “You’ve already trudged through a lot of forests while I helpfully watched.”
“Then you may continue to be surprised. I’m a princess, not a wayfarer. I’ve utterly no desire to become accustomed to trudging through unkempt forests. Nor am I even permitted to.”
“Would you get bonked on the head for it?”
“Worse. My accumulated princess points would plummet the moment I gain such familiarity.”
“Uwah~ you said that so confidently.”
“Well, I don’t see why I wouldn’t? I’ve had to work hard for mine.”
“Oh, okay … and how many princess points do you have now?”
I thought for a moment.
“A lot.”
“Wow, that’s a big number.”
“Thank you.”
“Out of curiosity, what can you redeem princesses points for?”
“It’s a currency more valuable than gold. Thus–everything.”
“Oooh! ‘Everything’ is a great word! I like everything! Can I ask for stuff, too? You don’t mind if you have a lot of spare points lying around, right?”
“I’m afraid it’s not as simple as that.”
“Booooooooooooooooo~”
I raised an eyebrow at Coppelia’s ensuing pout.
She had much to learn regarding how princesses operated. Including how little a pout was likely to move me.
“The very act of using princess points invalidates any claim one has to being a princess. After all, it’s undignified to request anything through any means other than dismissive hand waving.”
Coppelia immediately raised her arm.
“Question.”
“Go ahead.”
“How do people know if your dismissive hand waving means you want something? Can’t that mean a whole different bunch of things? And even if they know you want something, how do they know exactly what you want?”
“They don’t. Hence why preparation is crucial. Should I wave my hand, I expect every servant within a 2.7 kilometre radius to bring to me every menu item, every tea option, writing instruments, the top outer shelf of my personal bookshelf and absolutely not what’s behind it, plus a choice of furniture including, but not limited to, a full length mirror, a chaise sofa, a swivel chair and my entire wardrobe.”
Coppelia hummed for a moment, before placing a finger to her cheek in thought.
“Say … what happens if you dismissively wave both hands?”
I covered my mouth in shock.
“Coppelia, that’s just awful.”
She looked mildly aggrieved.
As she should do. Sadly, this was not a gentle stroll through my orchard. If it was, she wouldn’t be skipping. She’d be still, weighed down by the colours of my begonias, the scent of my freesias, and all the shortcakes she’d be helping me hide amidst the branches.
Poof.
“–Stop.”
All of a sudden, a twinkling of a pixie’s dark green wings appeared before us.
Our guide held out a tiny palm, her expression creased with seriousness as her wings slowed in place.
“What is it?” I asked, wary of the knotweeds I’d long spotted beside us. “Did you find something?”
“Yes.” She gave a nod, then pointed at a rock flattening a patch of reeds. The most helpful thing I’d seen today. “... The Rock of Promise!”
I regarded the rock with the lack of understanding it deserved.
“Excuse me?”
“I almost missed it. Sorry about that, it’s been awhile since I’ve given out any premium tours. This is the first stop. Please look to your left. The Rock of Promise is said to have been here since the foundation of the Kingdom of Tirea, and symbolises the unbroken bond between two star crossed lovers. This is where the first ever proposal was held.”
I didn’t bother hiding my groan.
“Pixie, we’re–”
“Elina.”
“Miss Elina, we’re not here on a tour. I remind you that we’re here to secure the continued sovereignty of this kingdom and security of the border by unrooting the shadows hidden amidst the leaves.”
“Yes, and that’s very important … but so is the Tree of Growth, believed by farmers all across the north of the country to bless any to place their hand upon the trunk!”
The pixie pointed at a tree. A squirrel peeked out from a hole.
“I care even less about the superstitions of farmers,” I said, ejecting the sight from my memory even as I looked upon it. “Now, regarding our destination, I hope we’ll be there shortly?”
“Of course. We’re nearly where the missing elves were last seen … because we’ll soon be passing the Stream of Silver, known by the local merchants to–”
“No.”
“The Singing Robin, whose voice was captured by the Lady Kaitlyn of–”
“Even more no.”
“The Trail of Truth, walked by King Otis Contzen the Bold, said to have revealed the path before him even when the night upon the kingdom was at its darkest!”
My mouth remained open, my lips formed in the shape of a rejection.
And then–
“... Hm? My great grand … my greatest, grandest admiration walked here? A king known for his strength, valour and sizable inheritance even as his body left him?”
The pixie’s eyes lit up.
“The Trail of Truth is the very path you walk now! It’s actually said that those who follow in King Otis’s steps may glean a token of his wisdom, and with it, the ability to see through the most uncertain of ventures.”
I clapped my hands in delight.
“My, why didn’t you say so! To think that such a splendid and charitable individual once traversed this same featureless path as I! I had no idea!”
“Oh, there’s more! In fact, if you have an interest in royal history, they have a storied presence in this region. The Loerstadt Gate was built by generations of House Contzen, and its proximity to the Grand Duchy of Granholtz has regularly resulted in their personal intervention here over the centuries.”
“Is that so? … Ohohoho, well, that’s to be expected! Those who rule over this land are its defenders and its patrons. It’s only to be expected that they never shy away from visiting even the furthest, most grim reaches of this kingdom, no matter who seeks to darken its doorstep.”
“Yep, and they have even more recent history here too.”
“... Oh? Do you refer to Prince Tristan?”
“Uh, no, that’s a bit too recent for me … instead, I refer to the nearby Waterfall of Endurance, sat within for 77 days and 77 nights by the current queen mother, all in order to cleanse all frailness from her body. We can visit it soon!”
I blinked, waiting for the pixie to correct herself.
She didn’t.
The person she was referring to … Grandmother?!
What was she doing?!
“Ex … Excuse me? The Waterfall of … ?”
“Endurance. 77 days and 77 nights. It’s said to be very good for your skin.”
I was speechless … that I even allowed a single bone in my body to be surprised.
Ugh. To think that she spent her time in retirement sitting beneath waterfalls.
Why, that was the life of a hermit! Not a former queen of considerable status!
At least there was no possibility of diplomatic queries being raised. Even should Granholtz’s envoys witness the sight, I imagine their response would be to seek the relief of the nearest burning candle to their eyes as swiftly as possible.
“I … I see. She’s certainly known for her longevity even in her senior years, yes …”
“Quite so. Although the queen mother has excused herself from public duties, she’s still remembered fondly for her strident loyalty to the kingdom.”
I smiled with quiet delight.
My, to think that I’d find a pixie so earnest in her appraisal of Grandmother’s tenure!
“I see! Clearly, her personality has left behind a deep and meaningful impression on all who resides in this kingdom … just as much as all the royal family, of course. To be beloved is the defining trait of House Contzen, after all.”
“Oh gosh, I wouldn’t say that.”
My smile froze.
“Oho … ohohohoho … my, given the strange words you just said, I’d almost believe that you’d offer a description other than the royal family being hard working, diligent and as generous in deed as in spirit!”
The pixie shrugged.
“It takes an age to write a history book. But from what I hear, the pages have already been filled about today’s ruling family. The current king and queen are seen as both corrupt and insatiable, known as much for their lust for crowns as their steadfast inability to lead in these changing times.”
My mouth opened wordlessly.
“Ex … Excuse me? Could you repeat … no, could you reword that?”
“The reigning king and queen of this kingdom are broadly viewed as blasphemous to all things good.”
Horror.
Horror and indignation.
Why … such words … it was utterly heinous!
True, Mother and Father had their moments!
Many moments, in fact.
Moments spread across consecutive days … weeks … years.
However!
Be that as it may, they were both unflappable in their duties. They were the ruling monarchs of this kingdom, looked towards for their wisdom, their guidance and their royal processions as they swept through fields and barns, filling the eyes of the peasantry with their warming presence!
Indeed, none were more beloved in the eyes of the downtrodden!
“And then there are the princes and princesses,” continued the pixie, counting down her tiny fingers. “The crown prince, whose ambitions are said to be seen haunting every shadow in the royal capital. The 1st princess, a seductress whose wiles leaves broken kingdoms in her wake. The 2nd prince, whose eyes see nothing but the allure of war and bloodshed, and the 2nd princess, whose dark inventions scour the countryside for the blood of innocents to reap. Few times has this kingdom been blessed by such an array of malevolence, destined to lead this proud kingdom into a grim future.”
I immediately stumbled backwards, allowing Coppelia to hold me upright as I threatened to fall.
What … What was I hearing?!
This was beyond slander! Every single word was misplaced!
Why, Roland desired little of the weight which hung heavy upon his shoulders! Florella spent as much time with the dispossessed as she did the wealthy! Tristan looked ever towards peace where war offered its hand! And Clarise’s inventions …
Hmmmmmmmmmmm.
“The deceit of our enemies,” I declared. “I shall not hear such disparagement being levelled at those who strive to lift the prosperity of this kingdom.”
“Oh, sorry. I didn’t mean to cause offence. It’s just hearsay.”
“Yes, well, so long as you understand that the defamation you hear is merely the work of the kingdom’s enemies … also, I believe you missed one.”
“Sorry?”
“The 3rd princess. The most beloved of all. You failed to mention her.”
“... Oh! Right, there was another one, wasn’t there? I heard she was deathly ill. Do you think she’s okay?”
Crack.
The sound of a twig being stamped into dust.
“E-Excuse me?!?! What does that mean?!?!”
The pixie immediately held up her hands. I fell deeper into Coppelia’s grasp.
To … To think that in this corner of my kingdom, such scandalous rumours were permitted to circulate! How could anyone think so little of me … I mean, my family? To do such a thing was treason!
Why, it was even worse than that evening I first left my bedroom!
At least the villagers in that bar had a reason to envy the opulence of the Royal Villa! Our guards were instructed to snivel at each peasant to walk within mocking distance!
But here?!
Other than Tristan, we barely visited enough to remind the people what a look of disparagement even looked like!
“Who said that?! I … I demand a name! Who is responsible for this smear campaign?!”
“Hey, I don’t make the rumours!”
Clearly not. Otherwise, this pixie would be singing the virtues of the princess before her, whose regal aura and excellent skin condition was enough to wipe away any doubts as to her current health.
Still, an answer wasn’t necessary.
There was only one group capable of spreading such gossip.
Yes … the countryside nobility!
I could sense it like the rotting carcasses which were their barnyard hovels!
Those most envious also hollered the loudest. And theirs came with a palpable lack of shame. Just because we insulted the collective barony at every opportunity did not give them the right to do it in turn!
… That’s it! No more mandatory tea parties!
I’d put my foot down! Yes, even against my mother! I did not give up my busy hours reading and napping just to be slighted on the far side of the kingdom!
“It seems the reputation of the royal family has been besmirched,” I said, immediately sweeping ahead with a flick of my hair. “Doubtless those who are most jealous see even the shadow of Granholtz as an opportunity to advance the mould on their upholstery … in which case, the answer is clear.”
That’s right!
I would sweep aside whatever lay in front, leaving the words of slander to ring hollow in the neatly levelled meadows which followed my every step!
“Come, Coppelia! Whatever lies ahead, we shall disperse it! I refuse to have it said that this kingdom cannot maintain its own borders. Especially by the barony which plagues this corner.”
“Okie~”
I allowed a confident smile to grace my lips.
Indeed, the next time I was unfortunate enough to come face to face with my kingdom’s lowest aristocracy, I’d ensure they’d have little else but a hole in the ground to hurl their slander from. Only the sound of their embarrassment would echo.
Bwooooooooooooooom!
Providing, of course, that it could be heard over the clamour of random explosions.
A tremor struck the earth, causing a billowing cacophony as the waltzing leaves became a cry of spilling foliage and groaning branches.
A flood of nightingales, cyclops bats, will-o'-wisps and at least one overweight cockatrice dashed to the safety of the sky.
Catching myself, I eyed the surroundings as the silhouettes of small mammals and fruit slimes raced throughout the swaying underbrush of the disturbed forest.
The moment the reverberations faded, I swivelled around with a look of exasperation.
“Coppelia!”
“Hey, that wasn’t me!” She paused for a moment. “Yep, 95% … no, 94% sure!”
I groaned, then offered my attention to the pixie. Her eyes had widened to the size of large walnuts as she dodged a cascade of falling leaves.
“Don’t look at me! That wasn’t part of the tour plan.”
In response, I briefly closed my eyes to the world, rubbing my temples as I did so.
Fine. Explosions.
A rather dire omen, yes … but so long as we weren’t causing them, that’s … that’s fine!
I could live with that!
Compromises started somewhere! Perhaps not for me. But for others. And this was most definitely an improvement. In fact, getting the explosions out of the way early was ideal. One explosion now meant one less explosion later!
“Sooooooooooooooooo … what do you think blew up?”
“It doesn’t matter. So long as it has nothing to do with us, it’s fine.”
“Ahaha~ look at you, pretending that something exploding doesn’t have anything to do with us. That’s cute. I like that.”
I cautiously opened my eyes again.
All I saw was Coppelia’s wide smile.
A premonition worse than my mother’s scowl.
Even so … I had my sword, my beauty and my overwhelming genius! So long as no other unnecessary disturbance finds me, I was certain I could deal with any problem as it arose!
And if not, well–
Coppelia knew how to carry me.
Comments
Michael Whitmer
Of course the explosion has nothing at all to do with our fair princess Juliette that more her sister Corina's forte. and for a woman who is "deathly ill" Juliette sure gets around.
How magnanimous of Juliette to not scoff in the general direction of Coppelia in a way that suggests the pixie needs to be executed.
