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Chapter 162: By Royal Appointment
🕑 Added 2023-10-02 23:00:03 +0000 UTCThe fog was already beginning to disperse outside the chapel.
News which was happier for the peasants than for me. Whereas their emaciated and muddy forms were now revealed to me beneath the glaring moonlight, so too was my regal aura made available for the townspeople to gawk at.
As was only appropriate, the entirety of Stermondt had awoken to catch a glimpse of their princess in the flesh.
To many, this would be the closest they would ever come to royalty. A prospect which alarmed them so much that none of them actually chose to approach. Instead, they remained at a respectable distance. A distance which only widened the more their eyes took in the sister drooling on the chapel’s steps, her eyes as white as the pale faces of her colleagues.
As a result, my company was now the deputy guildmaster of the Miner’s Guild, whose shock at the efficacy of my actions put him and all his coworkers to shame.
Slack jawed and arms by his side, he realised what could be accomplished in a single night. Now he had no reason to slack. After all, if I could repel the fog and shadows creeping over this town, then he could also fill his carts with enough ores to send the blacksmiths of our kingdom waking up in sleepless horror, ears ringing from the sound of industry.
“I didn’t believe it, you know,” murmured the deputy guildmaster, blinking between me and the comatose sister. “I thought the dead had come at first, when the missing miners came storming back into the guild. They looked like it. Zombies and ghouls, some chiselled down to the bone …”
I nodded, accepting the sentiment.
Far too close, those same miners shivered as they pointed at the sister. Their eyes were as wide as the guards gathered around her, each uncertain as to how best to arrest a comatose sister.
I wrinkled my nose.
Even after doing all the work, it wasn’t enough. At this rate, I’d have to personally ask Coppelia to drag every miscreant to the nearest cell.
“I see. So the miners fled to you in order to extol how I’d bravely rescued them from the bottom of the abyss.”
“No, they said that a monster had taken control of the mines, that another monster was controlling that monster, and that yet another monster had come down and accidentally released them.”
“Ex … Excuse me? Perhaps you misheard about who released them?”
“They were quite specific about that, actually. The last monster was the one most drenched in malice.”
I was aghast.
Why, to think their prolonged stay in the mines had affected their vision as well!
Clearly, to be a miner was considerably more burdensome than I’d imagined.
Very well! I would allow them another half a night’s rest before coming back to work. Excessive charity, perhaps. But to garner the adoration of the masses was always an exercise in brief hardship. My kingdom would recover in the long term.
“I see. Well, there is nothing which the comfort of home and familiarity cannot cure. Therefore, you and your miners may now resume your proper duties. The mines are now clear. The sister’s deceit revealed.”
The man glanced at the sister in question.
One of the other sisters had kneeled down to dab at the saliva dribbling down her chin. The guards were still arguing over who would hoist her away.
“The sister, maybe … but what of the other monster? The vampire?”
“Gone. Any rudimentary assessment will reveal as much.”
The man nodded.
Still, the colour didn’t return to his face, such was the horror a vampire’s mere shadow could elicit. Even one imprisoned by a sister of the Holy Church.
“A sister manipulating a vampire,” he said bitterly, eyes glancing away. “To think that of all places, a sister turning against the light would happen in Stermondt. I cannot even begin to contemplate what drove her to such actions.”
“Good. Then your mind might be spared the needless pain. Do not mull over what’s already been done. Only be glad that I was here to fix it.”
“And of that, I do. Though this might be too much to ask, I hope you do not think too lowly of our sisters here.”
“You’re correct. That is too much to ask.”
“Sister Rieze … she’s not one of ours.” The man curled his fists, then released them just as swiftly, as deflated as his expression. “We … well, we all thought her to be an angel, the way she came from afar just to help us. Yet now I know it’s no coincidence she came when the darkness did. They were fooled as much as we all were. As much as I was.”
His sombre expression was matched by the feeble sisters holding each other up.
Frankly, I considered them all complicit. And the only reason their tears were not falling at greater velocity was because they lacked the coin, authority, and the senses to offer reparations in the grotesque sums I envisaged.
Even so, my kingdom would have its due.
Explanation would be sought directly from the Holy Church’s highest envoy for this debacle. Whatever his name was again. Doubtless the buffoon was laying waste to all the Maison Touette-L'échellein clarets in the capital, just as he did in the Royal Villa.
… Which meant this was a task for Roland!
Even with organised crime flushed from its streets, the royal capital was always in need of additional guards to keep the treasonous nobility in check. Extorting … no, taxing ludicrous levels of financial compensation directly from the cathedral would surely pay for a few watchful eyes!
And that, if nothing else, was worth a smile.
Ohoho … these holy fools should have stuck with promoting the virtues of charity while robbing our tax inspectors blind. How utterly amusing that we should now be the ones to teach them the folly of greed.
“There are few angels walking amongst us,” I said simply. “And those that do, the people are clearly unable to see.”
The deputy guildmaster gave a small nod, just as sadly blind as the rest.
“That may very well be the case. And to make matters worse, not all of us can even see a capable adventurer. I offer my apologies. I did not imagine a C-rank adventurer could have achieved so much in so little time. You’ve done an enormous service to the town of Stermondt and to the Miner’s Guild. You’ve answered our call. And should luck prevail, this town may now return to its normal state.”
“Luck has no part to play in this. Only ceaseless work, copious sweat and the sound of pickaxes striking against rock. The kingdom has many tourist sights. This town isn’t one of them. Why, it doesn’t it doesn’t even have the murder fog anymore.”
“Murder fog?”
“An unworkable venture. Suffice to say, I expect the sound of gruelling labour to fill the air again soon. The demand for the Holy Church’s trinkets and toys will die down considerably after this debacle.”
The deputy guildmaster allowed his confusion to linger only a moment.
Instead, he coughed.
I took note at once. Loyalty to the Miner’s Guild was one thing. The discretion to ignore when a princess said something open to misinterpretation was another.
Yes, even if the misinterpretation was accurate.
“Well, I dare say this night’s only just the start. Much remains to be done. But for you, your part has been played … except perhaps the subject of remuneration. Come the morrow, I’ll have the Adventurer’s Guild know of your exploits.”
Suddenly, the man stood taller, his posture carried by an air of generosity which I failed to be moved by.
Instead, I began to tap my foot as I allowed the man to correct himself.
He blinked at me.
“Um, I’ll have them know later tonight?”
My other foot began tapping as well.
“… I’ll have them know … now?”
I nodded, receiving a sigh of relief in response. The only one present.
Visiting the Adventurer’s Guild. Hardly a reward. And I thought I could be done with this town without muddying my shoes on their floors webbed with … stuff.
Regardless, mine was a life of sacrifice.
If it was for the sake of my kingdom, I’d brave even the worst of squishy noises upon my boots to squeeze every last drop of coin that I could from that nest of crows.
“You’re correct. My part in this is over. But yours isn’t. Should you wish to properly express gratitude at my overwhelmingly invaluable nature, then please relay the message that the drooling sister is to be sent to Trierport. There, the 1st princess will arrange for passage to a place of rehabilitation and redemption.”
“T-Trierport? The 1st Princess?”
“Consider it a royal decree. Stermondt has no cell suitable for a sister whose crimes stretch beyond those merely committed this night. Whether it’s the captain of the guards or Stermondt’s quivering nobility who pleads to know how to judge a woman of the heavens, you may inform them of her destination.”
I turned on the spot, away from the needlessly confused man, the whispering commotion and the gaggle of sisters.
“Wait.” The miner called out, stopping me at once. “The old man … the guildmaster. He wasn’t with the others. Do you know where … ?”
I raised an eyebrow.
“Congratulations on your promotion. I hope you’ll endeavour to work towards the prosperity of the kingdom.”
The newly installed guildmaster’s face went white.
I expected it to become black with dust soon enough. Especially should he only visit the mines to wield a pickaxe and not to pilfer from the stores.
Leaving the stunned man behind, I turned and swept my way down the back of the chapel for my next appointment. Even on the edges of my kingdom, my itinerary was never empty.
Especially when it came to making nobility wait.
Beside a shattered window was a large oak tree. And under it was where a vampire with silver hair, scarlet eyes and pink pyjamas was sitting, plucking at the grass.
That she’d not sought to escape mildly surprised me.
But then again, if she’d not attempted to flee from a sister, then she was wise to not attempt the same with me too. Especially since Coppelia was waiting in the branches overhead.
Countess Miriam looked up as I approached.
Her eyes were filled with something other than tiredness. They were wide now, and her expression as she blinked at me was the same stunned joy as what my servants wore when I told them that the 84,000 piece mosaic of my orchard they’d built was missing two blades of grass and the entire thing had to be redone from scratch.
Naturally, her delight was understandable.
I’d given her justice. If not quite her freedom.
“That was the most ridiculous thing I’d seen in 500 years,” she said simply.
“Yes, well, I suppose you were rather unlucky to see a sister of all people attempting to undermine this kingdom.”
“That too. But I wasn’t strictly referring to the sister’s scheme.” The vampire tilted her head slightly. “I don’t suppose you have any plans on reflecting any beams of light at me as well? I imagine even the moonlight would be enough to scorch me.”
“A pertinent question. As a vampire, tradition dictates that you must be destroyed or sealed.”
“As a reviled being of terror, I have little argument against that. Although if I have a choice, I would like to request being sealed in my crypt. Even if everything in the tent is unsalvageable, I still have a collection of 300 year old romance titles which are worth a reread.”
“A measured request. Yet I’m afraid that your crypt will offer little even in the way of false freedom. No matter how deep it is, the mines will creep ever closer.”
“I see. Is my choice destruction or to constantly relocate, then?”
I leaned in and studied the girl closely. Even beneath my shadow, her expression lit up with unnecessary concern.
After all, she wasn’t the one who tried to mar my delicate skin.
“As one whose kindness stretches the limits of imagination, I will offer you a third option. One greater suited to your talents. And more importantly, to the benefit of the kingdom.”
“What … What is that, then?”
I smiled in answer.
Indeed, what could I possibly wish upon a vampire other than a swift demise?
They were beings who knew only to strike fear into the hearts of those around them. To the peasantry, they were the darkness in the closet. To the nobility, they were the whispers in the night. The herald to oblivion.
To even consider permitting one to freely terrorise the land was scandalous.
Which was why–
“Ohohoho … ohohohohohoho … ohohohohoohohohohohohohoho!!”
The vampire stopped plucking at the grass.
She leaned away from me, her eyes glancing not only at my elegant features as I sweetly laughed into the night, but the clockwork doll clearly hoping she could play catch with a runaway vampire.
“Rejoice, Countess Miriam Estroux. Although your lands are as lost as the plot in A Court Lady’s Indiscretion, you nevertheless meet the required prerequisites to earn a place somewhere far richer than any crypt beneath the earth.”
“Is … Is that so … ?”
“Indeed. For the small price of renewing your eternal service to the kingdom under oaths more powerful than any vampire’s curse, I shall offer you a library where your literary network may blossom as beautifully as my orchard, and your evil presence used as a whip to keep the peasant mobs at bay, the eloping chefs in line and the rudest of nobility from sleeping soundly in our guestrooms in the night.”
“Um, I–”
“Exactly. Be glad of your unlife. For so long as this kingdom stands tall, all who offer their loyalty may yet find a home within it. No matter who they are, or how many endless nights they have yet to give.”
Far from leaping in joy, the vampire rescinded beneath my warm smile and noble gesture, curling almost into a slug.
Still, she did not flee.
And for the first time in perhaps centuries, a modicum of colour returned to Countess Miriam’s pale skin. As she blinked at me, it was as though to sift through the truth of my words.
I allowed her a moment to decide where she would spend the rest of eternity.
In the meantime, I peeked through the shattered window and spied what I needed. Ruined parchment and ink amongst the ruin and rubble. The greater the parchment was burned, then the stronger the point I’d be making.
I needed to inform Mother and Father about the events of Stermondt. For the precious use of my time, a price needed to be extracted.
The sooner the better.
And, ah, what did I have here?
A courier who could fly.
Comments
Thanks! I'm not sure what CCG is of the top of my head, but I'm glad you enjoy it!
hhhhhuie
Just wanted to say, I'm really glad I found your story. I love this kind of absurd humor. (And moreso as the CCG translator stopped, my until now favorite absurd story)
The Magician
Can't wait for the chapter where she shows up , followed later by a massive carriage full of her books and wardrobe.
