kayenano
patreon
Chapter 129: Breakfast Spread
🕑 Added 2023-07-26 02:30:46 +0000 UTCBy the time the waves outside the cove had settled, all that could be seen of the creaking ship which had carried me here was a broken keel, a torn mast and a blanket of strewn flotsam washing out to sea.
A grim sight made even clearer by the onset of dawn.
It crept across the horizon, a shy band of joy gently ushering away the darkness. And so for a moment, I merely sat atop the deck of my newly requisitioned flagship, admiring the rare sight of a morning I was not forcibly awakened to by the sounds of Coppelia’s snoring.
A moment of peace, made calmer still by the reassuring presence of my sister.
Together, we sat at a small, white table.
Before us were the least insulting parts of the ship’s pantry, chief of which was a platter of Charlotte Russe cakes layered with alternating cream and fruit jams. Yet least insulting did not mean serviceable.
Tart blackberries and mushy strawberries?
Horror and shame. And so my first task as commissioner of my kingdom’s navy was to apologise for the state of the breakfast spread.
… Through my new servants, of course.
“Gâteau au yaourt with raspberry conserve,” said the ogre waiter, formerly ogre sailor. “Sorry, um, I mean, apologies for the lack of actual raspberry, ma’am.”
I raised an eyebrow at him as he clumsily presented the impersonation of a cake.
“Uh … Your Highness,” he corrected himself.
I raised the other eyebrow at him.
“Your Highness … es?”
I tapped my foot.
A disappointing lack of etiquette, but he would learn … possibly.
Truth be told, if it wasn’t lying in hammocks and pretending to appear busy, then there was little else I could expect of my newly requisitioned crew.
Especially as they’d only shortly ago been pointing cannons at me.
“Very well,” I said, shooing him away with a flick of my wrist. “When the pommes de terre festonnées is ready, you may return.”
The ogre nodded, then scampered with the appropriate meekness.
That much was acceptable.
The hollering around me? Not so much.
I gallantly did my best to ignore the ogres preparing my new flagship for departure from this barren rock.
Formerly members of the Henrietta, these were the shivering, tearful souls who had sought solace in the warmth of my new ship. And fortunately for them, there was no greater warmth than the joy of hard work.
Lots and lots of work.
Of the captain, no sign could be seen. A shame. The ship had a large galley which needed constant cleaning. And though many of the drenched ogres had fought for a kitchen position with so many hearths available, I still insisted upon a spot being kept in reserve. I was kind that way.
Indeed, I was many things–including captain, admiral and high commissioner of our kingdom’s newly formed navy. And that meant responsibility.
Specifically, overseeing everyone else as they worked.
“Rodents, Florella,” I said, seeking sympathy as I sipped at a cup of lukewarm darjeeling. “I cannot deceive you. It’s grim. Deathly, even. Each night I spend under the creaking roof of a common inn, I fear the world will come crashing down around me as I sleep. I do not recommend it.”
“R-Rodents! As in … mice?”
I wrinkled my nose. And not only due to the memories.
This darjeeling tea came with notes of … yes, salt air.
I casually tossed the liquid and teacup both into the sea.
“Mice. Rats. Squirrels. Even common hamsters have been known to invade the rooms I reside in. And yet they still possess a better notion of a princess’s private abode than peasants. The number of times Coppelia has had to boot away drunkards who attempted entry past our locked door is staggering.”
Indeed, though our kingdom was fair, many of those who inhabited it were less so. They smelled permanently of alcohol, mud and poverty.
The world was an alarming place.
And so I offered only a brief recount of my travels, giving time mostly to the greatest of my achievements concerning how I was able to sleep.
I did so fully expecting my gentle older sister to faint at any moment.
Instead, something far more concerning happened.
“M-Marvellous!”
“Hm?”
Placing down her forkful of untouched cake, she reached out and clasped my hands.
“Juliette! You not only left your bedroom, but you experienced the horrors of taverns and inns! Why, I had considered myself experienced for … well, that doesn’t matter, but to venture so far out into a world other than your bedroom is … !”
I recoiled as the sight of stars appearing in my older sister’s eyes threatened to blind me more than the rising dawn ever could.
“R-Really now! It’s nothing to be enamoured with, I assure you!”
“Nonsense! What was it like? To sleep in establishments frequented by commoners and scoundrels deserving of a rear hook to the chin?”
“Excuse me? What is a–”
“After all, the clientele who visit these places must surely rank surely amongst the most unsanitary of the lot. Goodness, I cannot even imagine the gruesome sights you have witnessed … how marvellous!”
I placed my sister’s hands down upon a malnourished teacake. One amongst many disappointments in a breakfast spread of unglazed confectionery shorn of even a dusting of ground walnuts.
“You should be able to. Why, these petite madeleines are quite possibly the bleakest thing I’ve seen since I left on my royal tour.”
“True. They’re unsalvageable. But we are quite far from our shores. Including you, Juliette. I can scarcely believe that I can meet you here.”
“You’re hardly in your usual abode, either.”
“Yes. But mine changes. Yours rarely does. I admit, this is quite a lot to take in. To think you’d worry so much for the state of our kingdom that you would place yourself in harm’s way as you have is quite something.”
I placed my hand upon my chest.
“We are our kingdom’s blood and lineage. Its keepers and wardens. I would brave any rodent horror to see that it does not fall into destitution, so that our citizens may still enjoy the bliss of harvesting its fields, tending to its shops and earning prodigious amounts of taxable income in the process.”
Florella sat back in her chair, then smiled in amusement.
“... My, I never knew you took the wellbeing of our people so much to heart.”
That I did.
So long as their name began and ended with Juliette.
“In fact, all this time, I believed that you considered them to be less than trash. And yet I cannot deny the copper ring you bear. The Adventurer’s Guild will not have gifted it without great and careful consideration.”
I thought back to the crowds of louts drinking from cauldrons, from kegs, and from cups strewn across the floor.
Then, I nodded.
“Yes. They certainly have unique entrance requirements.”
“Including martial prowess, if I recall. I have to say, it’s incredible you were able to use wit and guile to win over so many of your foes … and you truly never needed to resort to violence? Not even once?”
Suddenly, sweat started flowing down past my brows.
“My foes were varied and my responses suitably diverse.”
“Is that so? Would you like to ex–”
“Fortunately, I was protected from the worst of the vagrants by my loyal handmaiden, whose diligence and devotion I can rely upon as much as her wonderfully brutish strength!”
“... Yes. Coppelia. I’m glad you found such a capable attendant.”
“She is more than capable. Though somewhat carefree and lacking in, well, every aspect of a typical handmaiden, she is a fountain of respite amidst the long days. A loyal servant and companion both, who can be relied upon to ensure my safety no matter what alarming distance I fall.”
Florella’s response was to giggle.
One which I recognised well.
Indeed, this was the same quiet laugh she used whenever Roland was about to perform some abominable mischief upon us all. And I was usually first to receive it.
An instinctive fear caused me to glance behind.
No Roland. All I saw instead was a pair of turquoise eyes blinking at me, and a wide smile as colourful as the horizon.
“Heheheheh~ you were saying nice things about me.”
My mouth widened as a strange kettle noise emitted from my lips.
After a moment, I coughed, sat up, then generally appeared regal. Image reset!
“Oho … ohoho … I … I was merely stating the terms of your employment! T-There is nothing odd or unusual about that … indeed, the only odd thing is your presence! Didn’t you say you were … doing something with the wheel?”
“That? I was just spinning it madly to see if anything would happen. I’m pretty sure it’s broken. We should be a tornado in the sky by now.”
I pursed my lips.
At that moment, I decided I would not be offering Coppelia her own ship.
“Anyways! Sorry to bother you two while you’re speaking in, you know, ‘ohoho’ language. But I have news. Multiple news. Good, bad and the one you probably, definitely want to hear first. Which one do you want?”
My response was to look indignant.
Really now! The suggestion that the regal laughter of princesses was somehow a language of its own was preposterous!
Indeed, it was no language. It was a feeling!
“Very well. Good news first, please.”
“Right! The good news is that the ogres tell me they have a pretty good handle on the ship. They’re confident they can sail it away from this tiny rock and towards your tiny kingdom instead.”
“Our kingdom is not tiny. It is joyful, prosperous and modestly sized.”
“Got it! Tiny size~”
I decided to argue with her later.
“Bad news now, please.”
“Bad news! There’s some super vague, super unexplained misty thingamabob around here which makes navigation impossible. It’s how they keep the place from being sunk. You need a special compass to get around it. And only captains have that.”
I rolled my eyes.
Frankly, I expected nothing less. Of course they’d have a way to play hide and seek with the proper authorities.
“A special compass. Fine. As expected, pirates excel in their games of cowardice. A minor issue. One which any loitering captain in the port can repair after we requisition them. Now, what is the news you claim I want to hear first?”
“The news you probably, definitely want to hear first is that my clockwork timekeeping is accurate to 1/100,000,000th of a second. And it’s telling me that the time is currently just shy of 2 o’clock in the morning.”
Coppelia cheerfully pointed towards the brightening horizon.
“Therefore, that’s not the dawn.”
I offered a tilt of my head in puzzlement, before peering towards what looked very much like the sun rearing its head in the distance.
“It’s … not?”
“Yup.”
“Are you certain?”
“As certain as a fruit slime likes rotten apple cores.”
I offered a frown, hand to my brows as I leaned slightly forwards.
“I see … well, no, I don’t see at all. True, I did think the dawn was rising rather quickly. But it’s troublesome to keep track of time while single-handedly besting the worst that pirates can throw at us. If that’s not the dawn, then what is it?”
Coppelia emulated my movements, hand to her brows as she enthusiastically observed the bright spark in the sky.
“I think it’s a man in golden armour, hovering or levitating over the water while conjuring a lance-shaped projectile formed entirely of magical energy.”
Silence ensued following this short description, broken only by the sounds of Florella poking a disappointing lemon scone with her fork.
And then–
I let out a weary sigh, before proceeding to go through the motions.
Rising from my chair, I brushed down the hem of my skirt, then dropped to assume a prone position as I shielded my delicate hair with my arms.
Coppelia duly followed, sheltering beneath the table.
A moment later, I heard the sound of Florella mimicking our movements, brushing down her dress before she placed herself down beside me.
“Um … Juliette?” asked my perplexed sister. “May I inquire as to what we’re doing?”
“Hmm? Oh, please don’t be concerned. This is normal.”
“I see.”
A peaceful silence met her short utterance.
And then–
BWWRROOOOOOOOOOOMMM!
The sound of the heavens shattering above us, followed by the crack of a mast splintering into a thousand burning pieces of ember, and also the despairing cries of a crew of ogres abandoning ship once again.
Yes.
This was normal.
Comments
phantom
The tragic loss of this new ship..
Tarmandan
Sigh, the captain seriously overestimates his own importance. As Coppelia said, to Juliette there is only two kinds of people beneath her. Those to be crushed beneath the boot of authority and those to polish it.
Boobby hill
Perfect just perfect yeah would have been better if this was first but ya know what I don't even care this is too funny to be mad at...though please less of that it's bit confusing to read like that. Good stuff
