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Straight to the Top! (A Forgotten Script)
🕑 Added 2020-07-23 04:37:46 +0000 UTCAs you know... we have A LOT of sketch ideas. A trove of over 200 ideas collect dust in "The Wizards' Vault" (our Google Doc where we bank every sketch idea we've ever had). Very few are chosen from this vault to become fully filmed sketches, but even FEWER are chosen... fully written... and then DIE before we pull out the camera!
This can happen for a myriad of reasons; late prop deliveries, scheduling conflicts, lack of available resources, etc. We'd like to think someday we'll have the opportunity film these sketches eventually, but for now we're stoked to share them with our favorite supporters!
Without further ado, WWG Presents...
Title: Straight to the Top!
INT. Office Highrise. Day.
A CEO and his two top executives are in the midst of arguing relentlessly over a high stakes business venture when an entry level intern interrupts their conversation with a brief knock. He's struggling to carry all of their coffees..
Ben Henderson (Intern): Sheepishly "I.. Uh... I've brought your coffees!
Mr. Shellstein (CEO): Distracted and aloof "Yes, yes set them down. Thank you Bench!"
Ben (Intern): Shakily sets the coffee down “Um, my name's Ben, actually.”
Mr. Shellstein (CEO): Blatantly ignoring Ben "Yeah yeah, sounds good Bingo" Turns back to his peers "Okay, we can corner the eastern market if The Board goes for the Xinglou merger!"
Chris (Executive): "Or... we could reinstate our capital with Ping!"
Ron (Executive): Dismissive and terse "Look, Xhinglou is a no go, Ping is GONE, unless we solve this now, we’re dead in the water!"
Ben the intern is so unimportant to these high level executives, they haven't even noticed he's still in the room. He stares at them in silence during their conversation, then suddenly his face lights up... he has an idea!
Ben (Intern): Cautiously bold "Why don’t we merge the mergers?"
The executives are frozen in shock that a mere INTERN would pitch anything during their meeting. They all slowly turn their heads toward Ben in anger.
Ron (Executive): Seemingly irritated and disgusted "What did just you say?"
Ben (Intern): More confident "If we absorb both entities, Xinglou goes private and Ping recoups on their investment. It's a win win!"
The executives stare blankly as a response for a brief moment. The silence is soul-crushing.
Chris (Executive): Speaking enviously and arrogantly "HA! Okay intern, how about your ideas go private, and you-"
Mr. Shellstein (CEO): Sharply interrupting Chris "Now hold on a second Piss!"
Chris (Executive): Defeatedly whispers under breath "My name is Chris..."
Mr. Shellstein (CEO): Speaks to Ben "If we did vote to merge, how would you get The Board on board?"
Ben (Intern): "They won’t have a choice! Once Beijing catches wind, they’ll risk a proxy war without moving forward."
After a brief pause, the executives quickly begin whispering among themselves.
Ben waits for a reply but his optimism soon turns to defeat and he starts to walk out the door, believing his idea has been dismissed.
Mr. Shellstein (CEO): "Hold on there... Ben! (With emphasis his correct name)"
Ben turns around, with a hopeful look on his face.
Mr. Shellstein (CEO): Smirking "How would you like a desk... at the top!"
Ben is stunned by the offer. With grand enthusiasm, he asks to confirm.
Ben (Intern): "...The top!?"
Mr. Shellstein (CEO): With a smoldering wink "...The very top."
CUT TO: Ben Henderson SCREAMING, up high in a storm-stricken sky! His briefcase among other things all flail in the roaring wind!
CUT FURTHER AWAY TO REVEAL: Ben CLUTCHING to a tiny desk, skewered on to a gargantuan lighting rod at the VERY TOP of the company's SKYSCRAPER! A silhouette of his briefcase is seen rapidly falling below him!
EXT. Skyscraper Roof. Storming.
Ben's briefcase crashes onto the skyscraper's roof, right at the feet of the two previous executives, who have now climbed onto the roof, and are looking all the way up the massive lightning rod toward Ben.
Ron (Executive): Shouting at Ben, while holding up several contracts “Hey Henderson, Cooperate needs you to sign off on these terms"
Ben Henderson (Somehow not dead yet): Looking back downward in tremendous fear and SCREAMING “Oh my God, help! I’ve been up her for days, I haven't eaten since-"
CUT TO: The executives staring upward at Ben, only hearing unintelligible screams, far too distant to make out. Ben's voice is suddenly cut off by a bright and thunderous lightning strike, flashing a shadow of a his charred corpse between the two executives.
Chris (Executive): Unfazed, he enviously whispers to himself “Damn... he’s got it all!”
FIN.
