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BEHIND THE SCENES #22 - JULY WEEKS 2 TO 4
🕑 Added 2022-08-03 00:10:50 +0000 UTCokay.... so.... I KNOW I SAID YESTERDAY.... THAT THIS WOULD BE SPLIT UP INTO MORE POSTS.... but i realised its all way too tied together to split it up anymore than i already have, sobs,, im SO STUPID IM SORRY I KEEP SAYING THINGS AND THEY KEEP BEING WRONG. BUT. I HOPE U ENJOY THE POST NONETHELESS, I LOVE U GUYS <3
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PART 1: WRITING COMING OUT AND DYSPHORIA
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okay, so, the first thing i wanted to talk about here is pennys coming out, and her (lack of) dysphoria!!! thats probably the most significant thing that's happened in recent updates, and i have a lot of thoughts on it, so i think it warrants some discussion, hehe!! >:3cc
so, i've talked a bit about this before, but i thought a lot about how i wanted to incorporate trans topics into this story before properly approaching it--i mean, dang, it took like, a year and a half to get to a point where it gets brought up directly... thats a long time!!!
but, i think the build up is important--i really didn't want it to feel like an afterthought, or some random plot point that got thrown in as a last minute thing, y'know? cause i know that, at least for me, being trans is an incredibly important part of who i am; it affects pretty much every part of my life at least a little!! so, having penny's transness be anything less was not even a possibility for me when i started planning this whole thing out--it's something deeply fundamental to her story, and how her life has played out--and it will continue to affect her far into the future!
saying that, though... i also didn't want it to become a heavy subject, as much as it could have been. while in real life, being trans is often not easy, and comes with a lot of pain and discrimination, i really want trans people who read penny's coming out scene to feel good afterwards--and hopefully filled with hope that they can find someone who will love them that way too!! someone that doesn't make them hide who they are, or be ashamed of it, or scared of it.
it's not easy to accept that part of you, and it's even harder to tell others about it--but when you find someone who accepts that part of you too, it's a feeling that's indescribably comforting--and that's how i wanted people to feel when they read this scene!! maybe that's a lofty goal, haha--but, still, it's what i hope for!! ^w^
and, in the same vein, penny's lack of dysphoria is intended to have a similar effect, as well as being somewhat educational!! i think there's a huge lack of knowledge on this kinda stuff among most people--not maliciously so, just, it's not something you'd know unless you'd researched it or experienced it!!
a lot of people i've met who weren't trans have just sort of assumed that every trans person follows the same path of getting hormones, then surgery, then calling it a day--but the real experience is much more varied and unique to each individual!!
to try and account for that, the experiences of the characters in this story are all inspired by my personal experiences, and ones i've seen in others close to me--i think that's the best way to show what it's really like to transition; just, put down the facts!! some people don't have dysphoria about certain parts of them, some people do... some people wait longer to accept themselves, other people know right away... it's different for everyone!! so, i hope, that in making this story, i can help people feel seen, no matter what experience they've had in being trans--that's really important to me!!
whew, that was a lot... i hope it was comforting/insightful to read for anyone who did, though!! and to close this part out, i can promise that there will be lots more warm and fluffy transition storylines in the story in the future--so, look forward to that, hehe!! <3 anyway, though, let's move on to the next part!!
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[ * gives you tonal whiplash* woah penny and eve bald no way]
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PART 2: MISINTERPRETED LINES AND WRITING FLIRTING
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so, the next thing i wanted to talk about here was something that ive been thinking about a lot lately, and that's how dang hard it is to write flirting sometimes!!!
now, don't get me wrong--i LOVE writing and drawing characters flirting...i think its maybe my favorite thing TO write and draw to be honest--but the problem is, people can misread the intentions behind it really really easily!! i'll give an example--originally, in the update where eve was telling penny how she didn't mind about feeling her, um... you know.... Against Her.... i had included a gentle rib from eve about that being penny's way of telling her she liked her. i thought it was pretty clear this was a totally non-serious joke--i mean, these two have literally spent the last few chapters flirting and making out nonstop, and penny CLEARLY likes eve already--it was just meant as a bit of gentle teasing about penny's big obvious crush...
but, then i got a comment that was talking about how that's not how it works, and how its just a reaction people have randomly sometimes, and has nothing to do with liking people... and like, i know that!! of course i know that!! it wasn't meant to be some kind of big statement on anything, it was just supposed to be something cute and sweet between these two characters, who both clearly like eachother already, and have repeatedly expressed that fact!!
honestly, it made me feel kind of awful to read... i dont ever wanna sound like im trying to say something gross like that--and i didnt think it sounded that way when i wrote it!! i would never have posted it if i did!! but, now that i know someone DID take it that way, i need to change it, or i feel terrible about making someone think i believe that sort of thing--and then i end up looking through all the OTHER dialogue to see if there's anything you could take the wrong way, and then... (this continues indefinitely)
it's really hard!! this has happened quite a few times now, where i write something i intended to be sweet and silly, but someone takes it in a TOTALLY different way than i meant it... and it sucks, cause it leads to me second guessing my writing a lot, and that can make it really hard to finish updates on time... i'll get so scared of writing something that could be misconstrued as offensive or gross or weird somehow that i end up stuck on the same line of dialogue for days at a time...
realistically, im sure i dont really NEED to cater that much to singular negative comments, especially when most people understand it just fine... and i also have diagnosed OCD, which im sure plays a part in it... but the negative ones i DO get are so emotionally charged, i feel like crap about them--i mean, i dont want to upset anyone with this story!! i want to make people feel good... its one of the only things i really look forward to, honestly... so when i hurt someone's feelings with an update, i feel awful about it, even if its just one person out of a sea of positive responses...
but then... on the other hand... if you write a character to be TOO nice and toned down in everything they say, you lose some of the genuine off the cuff-ness that makes them who they are, and end up going in the opposite direction, with them feeling almost sterile--sorta like a different version of what happened to penny before... and that worries me too!! i feel like im stuck inbetween two bad outcomes sometimes... how do you win in a situation like that...?
at the end of the day, though... the pain of trying to write this stuff is worth it, still... ribbing on eachother, and flirting sweetly about personal things, are some of the most fun and intimate ways people can interact, i think!! being able to poke fun at someone and have them know you're just being silly, and that you love that part of them, is such a meaningful and sweet action to me... it shows a special kind of trust that not everyone can have with you--which makes me wanna include it a lot!!
so, while this kind of thing makes it sort of hard sometimes... i think it's worth doing anyway, in the end!!
tbh, i dont really have a solid conclusion to this part, sweats.//... i just wanted to get some thoughts out about it, cause i havent heard anyone else talk about being misinterpreted on small things in this sort of context, and its a topic i think about a lot!! i am my own editor here!!
so, hopefully, if this happens to any of you in your postings/writings... you feel heard by this or something? ye!! B) epic! anyway though.... moving on yet again!!!!
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[this is how i feel when i see one of those comments. I DIDNT MEAN IT LIKE THAT. SOBS.]
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PART 3: MORE TEXT, LESS PICTURES--OR THE OTHER WAY AROUND...?
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another thing i wanted to talk about in this post is the struggle i've been having with figuring out whether to focus on pictures or text more in each update, and the different problems i've had with each approach!!
so, i'm sure you know that recently i've been putting more and more text between each panel, and less panels are included in each update overall--and this has had a somewhat mixed reception among readers, as far as i can tell... to me it seemed like there were a few people that didn't like it at all, and the rest just seemed kinda indifferent to it?
i think its probably so mixed because, originally, i had really intended the long-text-convo format as a way to get more updates out, faster.... but... in the end, it actually ended up being harder to do it that way, because i frequently get so caught up in the specifics of dialogue, like i talked about in part two... so, now i'm trying to think about what the best course of action going forward would be!!
tbh, i think that when i look back at it, the earliest chapters are still by and large my favorite ones... doing three somewhat long updates a week, with not a TON of text between each panel, was really pretty nice--it took some of the weight off me on thinking about how the dialogue would come across, since you could tell much better from the character's expressions what they meant/intended by each sentence, and also how they felt about what the other person said to them... and, i also just get to spend more time drawing that way, and less time freaking out about stupid stuff!! so, that's a nice bonus too!!
so, for now i'm gonna try going back to doing that, and see how it goes--i really want to enjoy making the story, so i'll keep experimenting until i find something that works for me, and also makes you guys happy!!! and hopefully, one day, i can actually stick to a reasonable schedule, and maybe not feel so crappy all the time while i'm at it.... a girl can dream !!!!!
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[my mood when i write this much stuff at once. feat my huel canister and the blingee (sorry, 'blimgee') logo]
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PART 4: DRAWING FUNNY EXPRESSIONS
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okay, i want to end this post on a light note--so to send it off, i'll talk a bit about one of my favorite topics--funny expressions!! >:3c
(immediately begins waxing poetic) so, comics as a medium have a lot of benefits, as well as some pitfalls....
but, i think out of everything about them, the ability to make people laugh with just a single funny picture is among the best parts of a comic!! generally speaking, i have a tendency to go for more subdued, cutesy expressions a lot of the time if i don't think about what i'm drawing too much--i think i get a lot out of drawing things that just look... Good to me for lack of a better description? but, i think not adding in goofy expressions is simply put, kind of a waste of possibilities!! ESPECIALLY in a goofy comedy romance story!!! so, it's something i'm trying to do more often these days!!! >:3c
all those pennys in the update where eve is regaling her with all of her certified bad-timing-hardness moments are one example of that... something about those big ole round eyes is SO funny to me SNHDFGNDF--that one ava from chapter six was also one of my favorites, and had the same sort of eyes.... idk what it is about them, honestly, you can just add so much EXPRESSION with eyes like that... plus, it's easier to draw, so hey, you win twice!! B)
to end off this post fittingly, i'll leave you with the goofy ass sketches of all those expressions mentioned above--i think them being all sketchy and messed up looking is potentially even funnier to me than the final product, lmao
anyways though, that's it for now--thank you for reading this biggole post if you made it to the end, and as always, thanks for all your support!! it really does mean the world to me-- each new patron that subscribes puts a HUGE smile on my face, for real!! did you know i have notifications for it on my phone?? i open it EVERY day and you are all the first thing i see!! i love you guys more than i can put into words!! <3!!!
sappiness aside though.... i'll be back soon with more bts posts, AND more pictures!!!! i have a lot planned for this month, heh... seeya soon!! ;)c <3
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[why does penny look like shes making monkey noises here... also fun fact this eve was based loosely off smug mari from omori lol]
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[minecraft dog getting hit by skeleton arrow noise]
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[oh my god shes falling off the panel someone help her]
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