ItsDirector
patreon
The Human From a Dungeon 96
🕑 Added 2025-03-24 13:00:32 +0000 UTCChapter 96
Li'Lord Simeeth
Adventurer Level: N/A
Kobold – Unknown
"Li'lord, we's got peoples in the dungeon," Marka said.
"Peoples?" I asked. "Whose peoples?"
"They's got weapons, maybe adventurers."
"Oh, shitty people. Are they my friends?"
I feeled excited. It had been a long time since I seen my shitty friends, even longer than I'd seen The Lord. Being the leader is hard, and presents from my friends would maybe help. Or even just seein' them again.
"Don't think so," Marka shook her head. "They's all elves."
"Oh," I sighed. "So I's gotta sit in the chair?"
"Maybe. Could be diplomacies."
"Diplomats," I corrected. "Diplomacies is what negotiations is."
Marka gave me a look and muttered something under her breath. She very good at numbers, but not so good at words. Not as good as me, for sure. She also a little mad about my job as leader, and always says her dad should be the leader. Not in a mean way, but close.
The Lord was asked to teach peoples about magics, and had put me in charge of everyone while he gone. The other kobolds had given me a title to match my new job, Li'Lord, short for little lord. Some of the bakobolds had made some pretty mean jokes about that, but they stopped joking when I made them gather fertilizer for our crops.
It made me feel good that my title sounded like The Lord's, but now everybody is always askin' me about stuff. I didn't know that I knew stuff, and sometimes I don't know stuff and have to guess. It makes my heart beat fast and I don't like it. But it's what The Lord said, so I gotta do it. For The Lord.
"Alright, I'll sees them in the chair-room," I said.
"Oh, you wants us to talk with them?" Marka's eyes widened.
"What you mean? You hasn't talked to them yet?"
"No, we's just been watchin'. Thought you might want to get rid of them. Right now, they's lookin' at the rooms by the entrance."
"The hidden ones?"
"Not hidden no more. We dunno how to close them back up."
"It's the same button that opens the doors," I protested.
"Oh... Well, too lates for that now. The elves are already snooping through our stuff," Marka shrugged, then froze. "You don't think they're gonna take anything, do you?"
"Well, if they do we can just ask them to give it back," I said. "Might just let 'em keeps it, actually. Teach you to lock up your stuff."
"That's not fai-"
I cut her off by waving my hand impatiently.
"I's joking. Get the guards, I'm gonna sit on my seat," I said. "Sameahl can talk good, haves him talk with the adventurers and bring them to the chair-room. Remember, we want peace and trade. For The Lord!"
"FOR THE LORD!" Marka said excitedly and scurried off.
Marka's father, Tomash, was supposed to be my advisor but claimed that he was too old to keep up anymore. He stuck me with his daughter, maybe hoping that we like each other and fertilize some eggs together. That not gonna happen, though. The Lord warned me not to fertilize with those who give me advice.
Fertilizing is kind of a sad thought for me, actually. Yamana, the kobold I liked a lot, died fighting the vampires. She was older than me, but very nice and pretty. We made each other laugh a lot. I misses her, and it feels bad to think about fertilizing with someone else so soon.
I walked into the chair-room and six huge bakobolds holding spears snapped their feet together. I waved to let them stand normal, and noticed that they were breathing hard. They must have ran to get here from wherever they were. Must have been pretty far because bakobolds can run really, really fast.
Bakobolds are like kobolds, but really big and strong. The Lord says they're a genetic mutation made by the mages that used kobolds as soldiers during wars. They comes from normal kobold eggs but they can't fertilize eggs. Their normal brothers and sister can, though, and there's a chance that thems little ones could be bakobolds.
In the kobold villages they're usually made to be the leader. Village leaders have to fight a lot, and bakobolds are very good at fighting. Our bakobolds hunt monsters and guard our home. They seems to like it more.
I sat in my little chair in front of The Lord's big, fancy chair. Sitting in The Lord's chair felt wrong, so Tomash had come up with this instead. He said there was symbolism, too. Me bein' in a small chair with a big chair behind me symbolized that there was a greater power behind my words and actions. That old kobold loves stuff like that.
Tomash's probably the smartest kobold. I thought maybe he should be leader, but The Lord and Tomash both said no. It had to be someone youthful or the bakobolds and younger kobolds wouldn't listen like they should. So Tomash taught me as much as he could and put Marka in charge of teaching me more stuff. She was mad about it, but since she's good at numbers she taught me that eight doesn't mean ate.
"Li'Lord," Gar, one of the bakobolds, whispered. "What we doin' here?"
"There's some shitty peoples comin' who might wanna trade," I replied. "Don't worry, I'll do the talkin'. You just stand there and look big. No growly faces. Don't wanna be too scary."
The bakobolds nodded and shifted their stances. We waited for a bit, then Sameahl walked into the chair-room. He was followed by six elves, wearing armor and holding a bunch of different weapons. Nervously, he approached me and kissed the ground at my feet.
"Li'lord Simeeth, I bring you guests," he said. "Many apologizes, in all the excitements I didn't ask for their names."
"That's okay," I said. "We can all introduce ourselves. Hello adventurers, I am Simeeth, the li'lord of these kobolds and bakobolds. And you?"
"I am Heran," the tallest elf said. "I am accompanied by Yolin, Talu, Plethin, Nrasth, and Dema. We come from the hamlet of Vargova, within the kingdom of Kivinor, ten days journey to the south."
"That's a long ways. Why you come so far?"
The elves looked at each other nervously, and Heran turned back to me.
"A rather important trade caravan went missing, and we were contracted to find out what happened to it. We found its remains not far from here, but found no bodies or clues as to what happened to it. Then a passing merchant pointed us toward this dungeon."
"No bodies?" Gar asked. "Think it was the vampires?"
Joun, another bakobold guard, nudged him. The elves looked at my guards with surprise. Maybe they didn't know they could talk?
"It maybe was the vampires," I nodded wisely. "Other adventurers from the shitty killed them and saved our Lord, though."
"Your Lord? Is he here?"
"No, he's teachin' people magic in the orc-lands. Dunno how long he's gonna be gone, but he put me in charge. Did you wanna trade?"
"Trade?" Heran asked, lookin' at me like I grew a new head.
"Yeah. We gots plenty of foods, baskets, clothes, and other stuff. The caravan from the shitty won't get here until tomorrow, so you'll get first pick of the best stuff we gots."
"I... Will you excuse us for a moment? I feel this warrants some discussion."
"Yeah," I said with a smile. "Discusses all you needs."
The elves walked over to the entrance of the chair-room and leaned toward each other. Then they started talking quieter, but I could still hear them. The Lord always said we's got really good hearings.
"I don't understand, there were vampires in this dungeon?"
"It's not that hard to understand, Plethin," Heran whispered with a sigh. "Vampires killed the caravan, another group of adventurers beat us to the retribution."
"But where do these kobolds come in?"
"Probably lived here before the vampires," Dema said. "Does it matter? They're here now. Do we... Do something?"
"Probably not. Bakobolds are rare, but the price you get for their parts often isn't worth the fight they put up," Talu whispered. "And there's fuckin' four of them in this room alone. I don't want to know how many more of them are lurking in these corridors."
"The difficulty of the fight is not the concern," Heran shook his head. "The issue is that they're offering trade, and if I understand correctly, they have been trading with a city of Calkuti. I'll be the first to admit that I'm not entirely familiar with Calkuti's laws, but I'm certain that interfering with trade is illegal. We're not outlaws."
"I, for one, want to see what they've got," Dema said. "Clothes? For whom, Kobolds? But they're all naked?"
"We need to re-provision anyway. Might as well see what they have. Kobolds are meat-eaters, but there were crops in front of the dungeon. Maybe they have some veg-jerky."
"You think they'll take coin?"
"Even if they don't, we have Yargen pelts. Yargens aren't native to these lands, so their pelts are pretty rare. We'll be able to get all the food we need for them."
"We do takes coins," I interrupted. "Sameahl, go get Tomash."
The elves looked at me like I'd grown head number three. Then I remembered that dropping eaves is rude. Before I could apologize, though, Heran spoke up.
"Our apologies, li'lord. We were not aware of how keen kobold hearing is," he said, bowing. "As you likely heard, we have decided to take you up on your offer of trade."
"O-okay," I replied. "Tomash will check your coins and then we'll go to the store-room. We gots lots of foods that you'll probably like. Even fruits and veggies. We don't really eats those much, but the shitty folk loves them."
"Li'lord, I find myself terribly curious about something," the elf called Talu said. "May I ask a question?"
"I don't have control of your mouth," I laughed. "Ask. If I don't likes the question, I don't haves to answer."
"Ah, right... Um... What do you trade with the city for?"
"To make friends and improves the quality of life. Lots of kobold clans are friends with the unshitty folk, but most kobold clans are at war with shitty folk. The Lord doesn't want us to be at war with the shitty folk," I answered with a slow nod. "We trade because shitty folk like to trade, and we get cool stuff sometimes."
"Well, mi'li'lord, that's actually what I was asking," Talu rubbed his neck. "What do they usually provide in return for your trade?"
"Oh. Well, we gets weapons, medicines, books, and fat-meats," I laughed. "The fat-meats are our favorite, cuz those animals don't grow good in dungeons and they don't wander around in the wilds or wastes. The shitty has the fattest fat-meats."
"Come to think of it, these bakobolds have spears that look more like glaives," the Plethin elf said.
"Yeah, we traded thems for a batch of bogberries," I smiled as Tomash entered the chair-room.
"Li'lord," Tomash bowed. "You summoned me?"
"Yes. These elves wanna trade and they gots coins, but not from around here. Can you see if their coins are like the shitty folk's coins?"
"Of course," he turned to the elves. "May I see these coins?"
Heran reached into his shirt, pulled out a coin, and handed it over. Tomash sniffed it, tried to bend it, then bit it. He grunted and gave it back to the elf, then turned to me and bowed again.
"It's good currency, li'lord. I don't recognize it, though, so its presence in our coffers will likely raise some eyebrows with the people of the city, but they will likely take it in trade."
"Good," I said. "Let's go to the store-room so they can haves a look and pick out what they wanna trade for."
I got off my seat and gestured for them to follow me. Tomash walked next to me as both Gar and Joun followed behind the elves. I thought about telling them to back off, but decided that having guards wouldn't be a bad idea.
"What if this is a trap?" Plethin asked.
"Please give us a little more credit than that," Tomash answered with a chuckle. "Guiding you into a trap instead of fighting you in the chair-room would be quite stupid."
"Oh... S-sorry."
"We wouldn't traps you," I added. "Like Tomash said, if we wanted to fights you we would haves in the chair-room. We had a much better tacky-tickle advantage in there."
We entered the storage room and some of the elves gasped. The room had a bunch of really tall shelves, and those shelves were almost full of the stuff we had planned to trade with the shitty caravan. Most of the elves were excited, but the one named Nrasth looked bored. She saw me see her, and seemed to make a decision.
"Li'lord, may I take a look around the dungeon?" she asked. "Trade isn't of interest to me, but I would love to know more about this place and about your... Civilization."
"Sure," I shrugged. "But if kobolds say not to go into a place or to ask someone else your questions, please do what they says. Lots of us are really nice, but we still gots some biters."
"Understood," she nodded with a big grin. "Thank you, li'lord."
She left the room as the bakobolds began grabbing things off the shelf for us. The elves that stayed were shocked at all the stuff we had gotten. Tomash had to explain several of the monster materials to them, and even some of the foods.
"I guess shitties really do have different stuffs," I said.
"Yes, li'lord," Tomash nodded. "That's why trade is so vital for cities. One city may have a surplus of good quality construction stone, and another may have a surplus of medicines. Both have more than they could ever hope use, but that won't help them if they ever find themselves lacking in the other area. So they must cooperate through trade, or fight. Trade, obviously, is the better option."
"I know," I said, annoyed. "I's not dumb."
"Apologies, li'lord. I did not mean to imply-"
"It's fine. I know that you're so smart that it just leaks out sometimes."
I sighed as the elves picked out some stuff that they wanted. Tomash really should have been the li'lord. He even talks like The Lord, but The Lord said that's not a good thing, that people like their leaders to talk like them.
"Okay, this will fill us up on food and give us a few items to give as gifts back home," Heran said. "How much?"
Tomash and the elves haggled, another thing I didn't have any sort of talent for. They went back and forth, the elves insulting the quality of the goods and Tomash insulting the quality of their coins. Me, Gar, and Joun shared a look, and I shrugged at their concerned faces. Finally, they came to an agreement and shook hands, laughing.
"I didn't expect such a hard bargain," Heran grinned.
"A lively haggle is the best part of the experience of shopping, no?" Tomas asked with a sly smile.
"Indeed. We'll be sure to let other adventurers know about the trading kobolds of..." he paused thoughtfully. "What is this place called?"
"I believe the people of the city are currently calling our humble abode the Realm of the Healing Lich. We find that to be a bit of a mouthful, though, so we simply refer to it as The Lord's Dungeon."
"The realm of the... Healing lich?"
The elves shared a very concerned expression.
"Our lord is what the shitty folk calls a lich," I nodded wisely. "He's very good at healing, so they calls him the Healing Lich."
"I've, um... I've never heard of a lich who uses healing spells," Heran said. "How could a healer become a lich?"
"Dunno," I shrugged. "Maybe if you visit again when he's here, he'll tell you."
"Do people come to him for healing?" Plethin asked.
"Nope," I laughed. "I think it's because shitty people are scared of bones, and The Lord doesn't wear his skin."
"Pardon me, li'lord, but I believe that people are more afraid of liches than they are of bones," Tomash chuckled. "Quite understandably so. However, The Lord is a special case. He's quite kind and wise. People would do well to seek his advice and aid."
"Maybe why the orc-school hired him as a teacher."
"I see... Well, we've learned quite a bit about this place and will recommend it to other adventurers," Heran said. "We shall be on our... Wait, where's Nrasth?"
As he said her name, she entered the storage room with a kobold named Hinthri. Both of them were out of breath and very excited.
"I'm right here," she grinned. "And I've made an amazing discovery!"
"She really did," Hinthri added. "Li'lord, this is bigs! Really, really bigs!"
"Bigs?" I asked.
"Yes, li'lord," Nrasth replied. "I was asking Hinthri here about the mushrooms she grows when I leaned against one of the walls-"
"And it opened!" Hinthri hopped up and down. "It opened into a tunnel! A secret tunnel!"
"We followed it, and it leads to an abandoned manor," Nrasth continued with a grin. "I think the manor is in the city that you trade with."
"How is that possible?" I asked Tomash. "Isn't the city pretty far?"
"It's a few hours at a slow pace, but that's mostly because the road has to go around a cliff," Tomash shrugged. "A direct tunnel would be much faster."
"Li'lord, we can open a store!" Hinthri exclaimed. "We don't have to do the caravans no mores!"
"Really?" I asked, glancing back at Tomash.
"Oh, I'm certain it will be more complicated than that," he laughed. "But, we might as well explore the option. I'm certain The Lord would approve."
Before he left to be a teacher, The Lord told me that he wanted us to live in peace with the shitty folk. He saids that I should try my best to make sure the kobolds and the shitty folk made friends. The shitty caravan doesn't really like stopping at our dungeon, but if kobolds had a store...
"Okay," I said with a determined nod. "Let's try to make a shitty store!"
Comments
Ben Bass
TYFTC! I love the kobolds and how you are portraying them! I think setting up a ‘shitty’ store or restaurant will go a long way to ease relations between the city folk, the kobolds and Larie.
Matthew Brown
maybe even open a shitty restaurant...
DarkValorWolf
I love these chapters!
