Hesketh Tolson
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RS ?? - The Immortal Raging Dragon Conquers the Heavens!
🕑 Added 2021-07-18 13:04:59 +0000 UTCAUTHOR NOTE: Things have been a little crazy here in South Africa the last week or so. I am safe, but I didn't manage to write a Fred chapter due to the situation, so instead here is a guest short from my dear friend Mecanimus, author of Journey of Black and Red and The Calamitous Bob, posted with his permission.
As well as being an amazingly talented author he also has strong feelings about xianxian.
Even if you are unfamiliar with the genre I feel like this is an enjoyable, if somewhat salty read :D I promised him I would publish the file with typos intact, as he put a lot of thought into their placement.
Without further ado, please enjoy:
The Immortal Raging Dragon Conquers the Heavens!
Chapter 5.
In the city of Nong Cun there was an arena. The city tournaments were held there. It was not to big, and not too small. There were currently five people in the arena.
Da Pigu was seating in a comfortable chair in the seat of honor, as befit a cultivator of the Turnip realm. He had come to see his son defeat the brat who had made him lose face.
“Aiya!” his servant Sha Bi said by his side, “the young master is the rising dragon of Nong Cun! This Diao Si is just asking to slap his own face.”
“Un,” Da Pigu answered profoundly.
On the other side of the arena, there was a worried Lu Maozi. Sweat covered his worried brow, and he was bending his head with worry.
“What is Diao Si thinking, challenging a young master of the Da clan? Their ice chi is unequalled under the heaven! How can the mere son of a lowly servant and an unknown father who is totally not some stupidly overpowered demon king who left him some bullshit cultivation manual to unlock his true potential ever hope to triumph?” he worried, worriedly.
Meanwhile, young master Da Baichi’s face had grown cold.
“It is time, Diao Si! I will now make you regret talking to Fei Zhu, whose skin is as white as porcelain and whose eyes are as beautiful as jade! You are like a toad that tries to swallow the moon. Still, this Da Baichi is generous. If you kowtow before me seven times, and gently nibble my ball sack just the way I like it, I will merely cripple your cultivation,” He gloated.
Diao Si only sneered. Da Baichi’s face turned red.
“Without the cultivation pills I took from you, you are as defenseless as a baby before my sevenfold open void fist of the moon. Know your place, talentless brat!”
Da Baichi kicked forward with the speed of a springing tiger.
“Great Moon Maiden Polishes the Pearl!”
Woosh!
A great barrier of frost covered the ground around Diao Si!
Bim Bam!
A tomb of ice covered him.
Shwishishushobrbrbrbrbrbrbrbr!
The ice condensed until it was as solid as diamond! Diao Si is trapped!
“It is already finished,” Sha Bi declared to Da Pigu, shaking his head, “Da Baichi is a genius unequalled under the heaven in the kingdom of the Stuffed Grouse. It was a foregone conclusion that he would make that upstart brat swallow his own pride.
“Un,” Da Pigu answered profoundly.
But then the ice cracks. A powerful fire chi could be felt!
Boooom!
The tomb exploded outward and inside there was a man standing in a manly way.
It was none other than Bai Chi!
“Ho! Ho! Ho! Such puny techniques do not work against this daddy, Da Baichi!”
“Impossible!” Da Baichi exclaims.
Sha Bi and Da Pigu’s face turned sour and red as if they had swallowed an entire lemon stuffed with ghost pepper.
“You thought you had taken my cultivation pills with that stupid excuse of accusing me of peeping the girl showers, but I had foreseen your simple plan. I changed my pills from cultivation to relaxed turkey, enlarged chrysanthemum pills!”
Da Baichi’s face paled until it was as white as fresh now, and a little yellow as if someone had peed in it to draw their name.
“That’s right, you have taken the first step towards becoming a eunuch. You will now pay for all the humiliations you made me suffer over the last three chapters. I will drag your name through the mud and do many untold, terrible things to you so that reputation will be stained.”
Having done the required monologue, Diao Si was now allowed to do one martial move.
“Secret Suspicious Signature Searing Seal!”
Krak boooooom!
Da Baichi was sent to the floor in shame, but Diao Si did not rejoice, for he knew he had caused the Da clan to lose face, which could possibly mean that he had to fight back and then provoke the Kang alliance of which the Da clan was a member, then the Gu sect of which the alliance was a member, then the Fang district which the sect served, then the Po region which the district belonged to, then the Stuffed Grouse nation on top, and then the Immortal Jerboa empire and probably a few secret societies and bandit groups on the way. There was a lot of face-slapping to be done in the net two thousand pages! Da Baichi smiled, because he knew that the harem would make it all worthwhile.
