bethofthewild
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Streamer Ch. 21: 7th Sage
🕑 Added 2022-06-03 19:01:29 +0000 UTC7thSage: Hey
7thSage: Big news!
melsalvia: :o
melsalvia: what is itt
melsalvia: much excite
7thSage: I’m finally making as much money from streaming as I do from my fast food job!
7thSage: And as a bonus it doesn’t make me smell like stale grease forever
7thSage: I think I’m going to give notice soon
7thSage: It’s not like I had that many hours anyway
melsalvia: pog!
7thSage: Really the main downside is that I won’t get free coffee
melsalvia: hmm i can make u coffee
melsalvia: simp simp
7thSage: Aw
7thSage: Mel have I recently mentioned that you’re very cute
melsalvia: hmm, no, doesn’t sound familiar
7thSage: Really? Dang, I’ve been slacking
7thSage: Let me make up for that
7thSage: You’re cute you’re cute you’re cute you’re cute you’re cute you’re cute you’re cute
melsalvia: GAY
melsalvia: frankly, very homosexual
melsalvia: oh wait sorry I meant to say
melsalvia: no u
7thSage: <3
7thSage: My schedule should be a lot more flexible after I quit
7thSage: So maybe we can hang out more?
melsalvia: yeee
melsalvia: make ur own hours
melsalvia: be ur own boss
melsalvia: girlboss
melsalvia: oh that reminds me
melsalvia: how’s the tryin new pronouns going
melsalvia: personally im anti-noun
7thSage: lol
7thSage: It’s good! Mostly
melsalvia: mostly?
7thSage: well I think that uh some people online didn’t get the memo
7thSage: Or maybe they’re just assholes
melsalvia: oh no
melsalvia: was this in twitch chat or discord? I’ve been trying my best to keep a handle on things
7thSage: Nah this was on, like, Twitter and in YouTube comments
melsalvia: boo Twitter
melsalvia: boo YouTube
melsalvia: truly the crotch and armpit of the internet
melsalvia: i would probably recommend blocking any transphobes on twitter
melsalvia: there’s a lott of them on there unfortunately
melsalvia: with YouTube i think u can disable comments
7thSage: IDK I don’t want to just, like, shut all conversation down. People might just be genuinely making a mistake, you know? I don’t want to assume malicious intent and I don’t want to let a few bad apples spoil the bunch
melsalvia: hmm
melsalvia: i get that but also like u gotta think about urself babe
melsalvia: sometimes i think it’s not worth trying to always be open and sincerely engage with people on the internet
melsalvia: cuz there’s a lot of people on there who probably want to waste your time and energy, and often they use the cover of being curious or uncertain about things or politically neutral
melsalvia: and also there’s like lots of other kinds of people on there who might also tire u out, tho maybe not on purpose
melsalvia: like, people with fandom brain or people who want a minor internet celebrity to notice them or whatever
melsalvia: idk sorry maybe im being a bit rude to people or kinda just venting about my own bad experiences
melsalvia: i just don’t want u to feel obligated to always engage with things if its gonna make u upset or burnt out
melsalvia: u can just stream and interact with people who are like known quantities
melsalvia: obviously its up to you
melsalvia: i just kinda think of it like this i guess
melsalvia: comments and discourse and stuff on the internet are kinda like a stove
melsalvia: u might look at it from a distance and be like hmm i wonder if this stove is hot
melsalvia: but it’s probably not worth touchin it to find out
melsalvia: cuz either ur gonna get burned or like nothing happens
melsalvia: outcome is either negative or neutral
melsalvia: and i mean obviously u might see positive comments or whatever
melsalvia: but if i correctly understand ur vibe, ur gonna fixate on any negatives
melsalvia: cuz u have “former gifted child” brain where u expect immediate perfection from urself and always feel like ur not good enough and maybe you’ll finally feel good enough if u get enough external validation or praise or good grades or high pay or whatever
melsalvia: but i think that’s kinda a mistake
melsalvia: sometimes u gotta just do what u wanna do and make content that you can be proud of and try to not let other people sway ur opinion too much
melsalvia: anyway sorry about the like huge wall of text
7thSage: Don’t apologize! It’s fine
7thSage: I’m a fast reader
7thSage: Overall I get what you’re saying and I think you have some good points
7thSage: But also, like, if I’m going to try to make a living streaming I feel like I have to give my audience what they want
7thSage: Recently it feels like stuff about gender on the stream has had people turning sour on it
7thSage: People maybe just want me to shut up and play vidya games
7thSage: It hurts though to feel like people are just there for one very specific kind of content like speedrunning Zelda randomizers or whatever, because it feels like they don’t care about me as a person or like I could lose a lot of my audience and support if I wanted to try something new
7thSage: Which I kind of do
7thSage: You’re definitely right that I feel on the edge of burning out
7thSage: And that I have a bad habit of getting mad at myself if I’m not immediately good at something, especially if I know a big audience is watching
7thSage: God, maybe trying to stream as a job is a mistake
7thSage: I feel like I always do this. I end up ruining something that I started doing for fun by focusing too much on how well it goes or how good I am at it
7thSage: It feels sort of suffocating
melsalvia: I know this is easier said than done but pls try to be nicer to urself
melsalvia: do not think about how good u are at things
melsalvia: simply try to do things that u enjoy
melsalvia: no thoughts, only vibing
7thSage: Yeah I mean I wish I could turn off that part of my brain that’s always judging myself
7thSage: But it’s really hard
7thSage: Honestly the reason I’ve been consistently eating edibles when I visit u is because that’s one of the few things that seems to help
7thSage: that and cuddling with a cute girl
melsalvia: yeah i definitely get that
melsalvia: i think ur generally nice to people around u so i just want u to try and extend the same like patience and empathy to urself
melsalvia: i mean u didnt judge me when u saw me sucking ass at elden ring lol
7thSage: Sounds like a skill issue
7thSage: lol jk
7thSage: But yeah, I’ll try to work on that (but I can’t promise too much)
7thSage: Honestly I’ve been kind of worrying that I’m getting a bit psychologically addicted to weed
7thSage: Like, I know it’s not chemically addictive
7thSage: But
melsalvia: i DEFINITELY get that
melsalvia: i don’t think i’ve really talked to u about this but like
melsalvia: when i was younger (and dumber, and generally super depressed bcuz of what was major dysphoria in retrospect) i got into some stuff way harder than weed
melsalvia: some of that stuff was uh not exactly legal and also was probably not great for my health
melsalvia: i guess i tend to see weed as the lesser of two evils
melsalvia: like, at least it’s not gonna get u arrested in california and it’s not gonna fuck up your brain or whatever given that ur like 25
melsalvia: i mean i definitely think one can have a problematic relationship with weed
melsalvia: but in most cases including urs i think the real issue is like mental health and stress and you being really self critical as a habitual thing
melsalvia: i wouldn’t say the weed itself is the problem exactly
melsalvia: to me this comes back to the thing of trying to be nicer to urself
melsalvia: if that makes sense
melsalvia: also side note, some drugs are absolutely not worth doing for anyone lol
melsalvia: maybe i got unlucky but i swear mushrooms are a scam
melsalvia: and nitrous oxide lasts for a hilariously short time
melsalvia: also uh salvia is not a good drug despite being in my name
melsalvia: here’s a good demonstration of its effects lol
melsalvia: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sIlyXs8VZvo
melsalvia: lol
7thSage: will watch later
7thSage: and yeah I think part of my brain is using all the McGruff the Crime Dog war-on-drugs propaganda as another reason to get mad at myself
7thSage: My brain wildly catastrophizing (is that a word?) and claiming that drugs will inevitably lead to me living on the streets or whatever
melsalvia: i lived out of my car for a while in long beach and honestly it wasn’t that bad lol
melsalvia: altho it’s hard to avoid getting stinky if u don’t have access to a shower
melsalvia: but yeah just try n be nice to urself cutie
melsalvia: i mean, u live with ur mom and she’s pretty chill right?
melsalvia: even if u didn’t make any money it would probably be fine?
7thSage: Yeah that’s fair
7thSage: I guess I just don’t like feeling like I’m a drain on her or useless or a leech or whatever
melsalvia: if u said those things about anyone else i would take it as a big political red flag tbh
melsalvia: soundin like a conservative politician complaining about welfare
melsalvia: i know u don’t mean it like that tho
melsalvia: just try n remember that a person’s value isn’t the amount of money they make
melsalvia: for example at one end of the scale, teachers, and at the other end, CEOs
melsalvia: i guess what i’m saying is eat the rich
7thSage: Vore?!
7thSage: Also yes I eventually looked up what that was and I regretted it
melsalvia: damn lost ur uh vore-ginity
7thSage: Cursed
7thSage: lol
7thSage: Oh ok my mom is calling me for dinner
7thSage: TTYL!
melsalvia: cu qt
melsalvia: be nice to my gf
melsalvia: <3
