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Gainer Poetry
🕑 Added 2020-10-01 00:18:13 +0000 UTCAs I mentioned in my comment on Riptoryx's most recent musing (www.patreon.com/posts/awkward-early-of-42001435) I'm a bit embarrassed how much of my adolescent creativity was inspired by my burgeoning sexual compulsions. Between the age of 12-18, most of my drawings, short stories, roleplaying games, and even GI Joe battles featured weight-gain elements. (I once pretended GI Joe's 'Cover Girl' gained so much weight during peacetime she was cut from the squad.)
My parents thought I was right-brained, but the truth was my little head gripped my creative hand (and, when the mood was right, vice versa). So much so that I even wrote weight-gain-themed poetry! Here's one I recently discovered in my archives that I wrote when I was around 15. Be gentle. It's basically a bunch of extended limericks with dubious rhyme schemes, but I'm sure it seemed like Shakespeare to my younger, hornier self.
THE GAINER
Give me a burger with fries.
I need some more fat on my thighs.
Then peanut butter and jelly
To increase the size of my belly.
And you can’t beat a Snickers or two
When turning your rear-end to goo.
It started way back when
When I used to be a “10.”
I used to be terribly thin
Then decided to give up on men.
I went straight to the couch
Watched TV, ate, and slouched
And it started to show in my figure.
My parents and friends
And the rest of my kin
Soon noticed I was getting bigger.
I’m not too bad now
But I’ll soon be a cow
So hand me that turkey and dressing.
I want to gain weight
So I won’t have to date
‘Cause men they just leave me guessing.
Now I sit with a grin
‘Cause I’m no longer thin
In fact, I’ve grown downright tubby.
But I really don’t care
I’ve got my éclairs
Truth is I enjoy getting chubby.
Whoops! I just outgrew my belt
And my ice cream is starting to melt.
So I’d best resume eating
My beauty is fleeting
I can’t even fit into a kilt!
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this glimpse into my weight-gain vault that Riptoryx inspired. I may occasionally post stuff from it here. Most of it is pretty rough, but it's sometimes fun to look back on how this whole journey started.
Best--
Maverick
