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"Gain-dar"
🕑 Added 2019-11-12 18:15:42 +0000 UTCSome gay folks claim to possess “gaydar,” the ability to cull a gay person—even a latent one—from a hetero crowd. Similarly, I believe many FAs possess “gain-dar,” the power to identify future fatties within the malnourished masses. Because of our perverted proclivities, we’re more attuned to body type, bone structure, family history, and dietary habits that could provide us clues whether today’s skinny minnie will become tomorrow’s heavy hottie! It’s not a superpower Stan Lee would create a comic for, but a unique ability nonetheless.
The term “skinny fat” wasn’t a thing back when I was in High School, but I dated a girl named Jenny who was a prime example. She had a tiny waist and a desirable hourglass shape, but wasn’t toned. She had jiggly thighs, soft upper arms, and a healthy rack that suggested she’d only be getting softer with age. Unfortunately, we only dated for a couple months--not long enough to witness any noticeable changes first-hand. Still, if my Senior Yearbook had a “Girl Most Likely to Get Fat after High School” category, I would have cast my vote for her.
Turns out I would have been right. Jenny steadily piled-on the pounds through two marriages and several kids. Now she’s in her mid-40s and well north of 200 pounds. I love my wife, but it sure would have been fun to help expedite that process!
Since then, I’ve identified many future gainers. I can also typically tell if a fat woman has been overweight their entire lives, or if they’re the final results of the latent gaining we try to predict. I imagine many of you have had similar experiences.
Unfortunately, gain-dar works best in the wild, and tends to falter in the unnatural environment of Hollywood. Signs may portent a star’s plumpening, but the powerful microscope of celebrity may magnify a modest ten-pound gain into a career threatening bout with obesity. How many times have we witnessed attractive young actresses reduce themselves to skeletal size zeros after gaining a pound or two? Jennifer Connelly, Katie Holmes, and Katherine Heigl are just a few examples from my generation, but “what could have been” cases are littered throughout Hollywood’s history. Even the ultimate sex symbol, Marilyn Monroe, a naturally buxom woman, was eating herself out of Hollywood circa 1959/1960, but pressure (and a steady dose of barbiturates) wasted her down to 117 pounds by her untimely death in 1962.
Things seem to be getting better overall—there’s definitely more tolerance and body diversity on TV, on the runway, and in the music charts--but I can’t say I’ve noticed much of a change in Hollywood. Up-and-coming young actresses like Chloe Grace Moretz and Katherine Lanford may trigger my gain-dar, but I suspect in a couple years we’ll again be lamenting lost potential.
As usual.
How about you? Any friends, family, or celebrities that triggered your “gain-dar”? Ever identify someone that ultimately packed on a few (or more than a few)?
Maverick
Comments
Maverick and Riptoryx
Scarlett Johansson is a fox. I was planning to do a musing about traditionally sized actresses (i.e., skinny) that I still found attractive and she was likely to be on the list. You're right though--the roundness of her hips and ass and the way that sweater vest puckered around her belly (my favorite pic!) suggests that Scarlett's 20s may have turned out differently had her acting career hit the skids. Maverick
Maverick and Riptoryx
Hmm. Sounds like maybe it's time to dig those "size fours" out of the dark recesses of the closet to which they've been relegated, stuff her fat ass into them (or at least as much as'll even remotely fit), and then trundle the bloated, half-naked, overly cocky former fox back into Mickey D's for a very big (and very public) binge down the menu! I mean, isn't that what class reunions are all about? -Riptoryx
Maverick and Riptoryx
I'll bet SHE didn't know she was pear shaped, either! Isn't it fun to see how such things "take shape?" For some of us, at least. ; ) -Riptoryx
Maverick and Riptoryx
Hah. "Oops?" > ; ) Kinda reminds me of this (unintentionally somewhat arousing?) parody spoof article: https://www.enduringvision.com/news/health_010304.php -Riptoryx
Maverick and Riptoryx
At least in terms of celebrity-level "gain-dar," Scarlett Johansson definitely pinged my screen--primarily earlier on in her career. I think Scarlett may have been at her slightly pudgy best circa 2003's "Lost in Translation"--to the point that they actually used a body double for the intro credits pan down what (would seem to be) her character's scantily clad behind (i.e., the last two photos below). And whenever she does happen to pack on a few, Scarlett seems notably predisposed towards developing a disproportionately prominent poochy tum--intriguing. 😉 Absent the pressures and the "assistance" that comes with such fame, I imagine Scarlett likely would've have wound up quite the potbellied little chubmuffin by her mid 20s, if not earlier. Now *that'd* be some real "deep cover" for Black Widow! -Riptoryx … … <img src="https://i.ibb.co/RgjCb6S/Sarlett1-jpg-725f35486ffb60e221a73fc5db5874e2.jpg"> <img src="https://i.ibb.co/z8sWrDz/Scarlett3-jpg-82e69a0ec54287ae714e0f827a6e5a02.jpg"> <img src="https://i.ibb.co/XSxMbCv/scarlett-johansson03-jpg-976d63c7fff2a1a8812ea7678bdd75bf.jpg"> <img src="https://i.ibb.co/3R4k3L5/scarlett-johansson02-jpg-da6bb42cfe6623b4aad8625a836fed8a.jpg"> <img src="https://i.ibb.co/f9CbNm2/johansson-lost-u-07-jpg-03b1c5bc0a39c5ea490a3dd4a0d158d2.jpg"> <img src="https://i.ibb.co/2ZXDm3R/Scalett2-jpg-c26b2b11d8459f37f72f3479bd64a9f5.jpg"> <img src="https://i.ibb.co/hfPkqz8/johansson0241-jpg-849c8d9043cf76a5ba8cd5086d4e81e6.jpg"> <img src="https://i.ibb.co/brMLYGp/scarlett-johansson-ass-jpg-5332ead986c5f3e98c519ed90a768521.jpg">
There’s really two camps for this; the girls whose eating habits haven’t caught up with them yet, and the girls whose genetics have not fully engaged yet. I had a really good friend in high school who was definitely the former, and she LOVED McDonald’s, used to go everyday. She would brag about how she could really fill out her size fours, and loved teasing me about how much she could eat and not gain a pound. Flash forward a decade, and she’s nearly unrecognizable beneath the mass of beer, pizza, and cheese sticks she’s packed on to her waistline 😍
NixWydra
I knew a girl from High school that packed on around 60 pounds in 4 years, i got to see her again in a summer job in a supermarket, she worked at the drive back then. I almost didn't recognize her, her face was fuller and she grows a big wide ass (I didn't know that she was pear shaped because she was thin before)
Jake
I don’t know about “gain-dar”, but every single one of my exes went from thin to positively huge after we broke up. One even went from 150 to north of 300. Fun times.
