Alice Winterhold
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Coconut
🕑 Added 2025-03-18 13:16:55 +0000 UTCSometimes I worry I’m just lazy, classic imposter syndrome about having mental health issues; the many, many times before now where I’ve tried to just “stop being ill” all backfiring isn’t quite enough evidence to fully convince me but occasionally I find myself doing something so odd that it’s hard to do much else than laugh at how genuinely dysfunctional I am.
Today’s example, I was sitting at my table trying to build myself up to get some work done. “Just open the laptop and DO IT” I ordered myself over and over yet the laptop remained closed and the work un-done. Instead I found myself holding a coconut. I don’t really like coconut, I don’t know why I had it, it was probably Tech-boy’s special treat coconut or something and he’ll probably be annoyed at me for eating it… oops. Anyway, I got my pairing knife and I started to shave the coconut. I found it quite pleasant, the rough hair peeled away satisfyingly to leave the remarkably smooth and nice feeling bare shell. Then I scored a line around the middle and started carving into it, “I wonder if I can get the shell off and keep the inside in tact” I wondered to myself as I dug through the hard shell. It was tricky, the shell was all smooth and round now, difficult to grip with my little hands but I had a mission, I was determined and I pushed forwards.
It was slow going. I had to be careful not to go too deep and puncture the soft coconut innards; In my mind’s eye I saw myself as some kind of butcher, the coconut as some kind of unfortunately armoured animal; it had evolved to be impervious to predators, yet in the face of a tool using brain it’s protection became a prison condemning it to a slow and torturous fate at the tip of my blade. “I’m sorry” I whispered, to invested to give up now. I felt bad, I concidered just smashing the coconut with a hammer and putting it out of it’s misery-
Then I remembered that it was coconut and not a sentient creature and I’m just insane.
I did go get a hacksaw though, which was a lot quicker. With a little grip and twist the top of the shell poped off and I was surprised at how gross the inside looked, it was like a wrinkly leather elephant testicle. Yuk
I tried to get the bottom half of the shell off but sadly the inside broke in half and I snapped out of my weird little trance; sat by the still closed laptop and covered in coconut, I contemplated the nature of my existence.
Then I made it into a little bowl with some rope and string then got Tech-boy to put a plant in it. It’s pretty cool I think, almost makes up for all the work I didn’t do.
Comments
Scotty Keister
But look at all the work you did making that super cool planter. If you hadn’t been avoiding something else, you would’ve never done that. And now you know how to shave a coconut and cut it in half for future reference when the apocalypse comes and we have nothing to eat but coconuts. People will be coming from miles around to you for your coconut carving skills. “Come on, mum, we have to go see the coconut lady. We’re running out of food and milk. She’ll save us”. I already see you becoming a legend.
particle_p
I like creative procrastination.
Rev Jera F. Best
You should carve a bar of soap in the bath.
Adrian Whittaker
Wee eeeee ❤️
