nudity.slip
patreon
Shooting with
🕑 Added 2025-05-09 17:00:06 +0000 UTCMe with Lolita by Nastya Mihaylova
I’ve always loved being alone. I liked silence, the spaciousness around me, the absence of people. I used to escape from social noise into the forest, into a botanical garden, into other cities — always somewhere with fewer people, or ideally, no people at all. But for the last five months, I haven’t been alone at all. I was always surrounded by people — in different places, shared routines, constant presence. And only in Mexico, when everyone finally left, I stayed completely by myself — for 10 days. My boyfriend, Gary, went to Texas for work.
Honestly, I had been looking forward to it. I thought: once he leaves, I’ll finally be able to focus just on myself. Write, feel, rest, breathe. But the day he left, I was hit with intense anxiety. It felt like I wouldn’t manage, like something would happen, like I wouldn’t be able to handle it. And once he left, the anxiety disappeared — but a deep inner tension remained. And the whole time, I was fighting it. Fighting to feel that long-awaited release. And it never came.
I wrote a lot in my journal, worked with my body, tried to listen to myself, be gentle. But there was no calmness. Only exhaustion. And relief — only in the moment when Gary finally came back. It surprised me. And it scared me a little. For the first time in my life — it was like a switch flipped. I became calm again. Grounded. Quiet inside.
I thought maybe it was just situational. A one-time thing. A coincidence. Because back then I was already going through some deep existential questions — and maybe they were what affected my state, not Gary’s absence.
But now — it happened again.
We had to separate once more. He went to Texas, I flew to Kyiv. And again, my body reacted strongly. Insomnia. Nausea. Dizziness. Anxiety. And again — all the way until goodbye. The moment he disappeared into the crowd at the airport — my body softened. It eased. I was still tense, but the physical storm had passed.
And now I wonder: what is my body trying to tell me?
Before, I would have taken it as a warning. That he’s not my person. That maybe it’s emotional manipulation or something toxic. That my body remembers the truth and my mind wants to forget. Because the body never lies — and the mind often does.
But this time — it’s different. I feel safe with him. Comfortable. Light. Free. He doesn’t control me, doesn’t demand anything. On the contrary — he gives me space, support, and care. So maybe… he became my safe place. And when he’s not around — I just haven’t learned yet how to be that safe place for myself.
I don’t know what to do with that.
But I see it.
And maybe that’s already something.
Comments
Matthew Martin
That’s fascinating but yes I believe that your body is telling you to take time to get in touch with your inner self goddess and be that safe place and more and in extension through that you will be able have an even more intimate connection with your boyfriend etc ❤️🔥 It really reminds me of the journey that my wife Katie was going through and how @KimAnami was so helpful to our relationship with ourselves and in extension with each other extending out into the universe around us!!! Best wishes to you guys ❤️🔥 Keep on keeping on 🔥
natureman
Lovely 🌹
