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🕑 Added 2023-02-02 16:27:45 +0000 UTCToday I want to talk about what hurts my heart. Maybe few of you will understand me, but I have to share it.
Those who are here from Ukraine know about the news that spread on the Internet very quickly - about guys who organized parties in their apartment and filmed there and raped girls under the influence of alcohol (and possibly drugs). It gained wide publicity because the boys did not hide what they were doing and actively showed their actions in social networks and Telegram groups.
I often see and hear stories about men's violence against teenagers, girls and adult women - on the street, at work, at home, in public transport... and it scares me a lot. And what scares me even more are the comments I see and hear from other people (whether men or women) - "you need to think with your head", "you shouldn't have worn such a short skirt", "why did she go there, she knew what can happen" and the like.
And today it broke me as much as possible. Because I heard this line from my boyfriend. I felt all the pain that was sitting inside me, I even started to feel nauseous and dizzy... And for a very long time I searched for what was wrong... why exactly it breaks me so much. Not the fact of violence, but the fact of such a reaction of certain people. And I dug up a very old wound that is still unhealed inside me.
I had various stories in which I felt raped and dirty (thank God that this did not happen in the literal sense), but the first and, as for me (now) the funniest. I was 13 years old and a young man approached me in my front entrance and asked if I wanted to touch his cock. I was scared and miraculously calmly refused and continued up the stairs to my apartment. It's actually not funny. I was very scared, I cried ... but you know what? The worst thing is that my sister laughed at this situation, saying "You haven't seen men's penises in porn, why are you so scared?", and dad just listened to me, asked if I remembered him and just did NOTHING, mom was just worried. They didn't listen to me, didn't support me, didn't hug me... Maybe they just didn't know how, I don't blame anyone. Just a story after which I don't feel safe anywhere and with anyone.
And when I hear some remarks towards a raped woman... I feel these remarks on myself... It scares me that even as a victim I am still judged... But I was just walking home from school, and some man just came up to me in stairwell in the entrance hall, started talking - and then you already know.
My conclusions
- no one is immune from violence - regardless of gender, age, profession, character, appearance.
- you don't need to hide your emotions if this happened
- do not allow your reaction to the situation to be devalued
- find support or ask for it from those people who can give it to you.
- and of course go to a psychologist
Comments
Roam
I’m very sorry you had to go through such a thing. Especially that you didn’t feel support from your dad. That must’ve been the hardest blow.. Maybe he had his own unresolved issues in his childhood or was so confused that he got stuck.. Anyway, I’m sending you a huge hug, Jules. Hope you’ll leave that ugly thing behind.
BobbyFrench
There is simply no excuse for such behaviour, nor for comments like "she shouldn't have worn such a short skirt", "why did she go there, she knew what can happen" and the like. That is just plain DUMB !
