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[YF] Chapter 242: Origin Point

🕑 Added 2024-11-13 11:11:02 +0000 UTC

Comments

Joroboros

You're right. Unclear subject. Changed to 'As Anoures is a slaver..."

Joroboros

Oh? What sort of cliches?

Sjonzy

The soured mindset was not anything you did, by the way. I just thought it was going down the road of clichés, but then it didn't.

Sjonzy

I have nitpicky suggestion for you. "As a slaver, I cannot help but dislike her,...", I think this could be better worded, like 'The slavery that she is is', or something like it. As it is currently, gives the impression that Solvei is the slaver. i.e. 'As a friend, I like you, but as a coworker, I hate you'.

Sjonzy

Honestly, even going in with a picky and soured mindset, I still thought this section was great. It was definitely the perfect length.

Summer Coff

I don't think it can be helped. Young Flame has to bear the weight of most of the information about the cultures in its world, so digressions are part of its nature. All is as it should be.


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