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[Young Master Xian]—❈—28:: Meet the Mengs

🕑 Added 2024-11-16 17:36:07 +0000 UTC

Comments

musashi

A few issues with the phrases used. As a stranger in a strange land clear and concise and respectful language is used by a visitor. Casual !anguage is not used in public. The word "okay" is an American word and should not be used (would they even have an equivalent?) Slang like "awesome" jerks the reader right out of the story and not in a good way. The sentence "Would you like to join us?" is a perfect example of good phrasing. It's clear, concise and respectful. Thanks for the good work.

Blue Jay

No, come on, not after this much build up! Let the fantasy work its magic on Meng Yi.

A Bellator

All shall fear the coming of the emperor of the Ducks and other Avians

aj0413

The amount of sweet fluff in that ending is killing me, man. Diabetes up the wazoo But can I just say: Meng Yi must be some kinda of fucked in the head to be able to compartmentalize to this extent. Either that, or this is just a different persona for her. Can’t tell which would be worse or more impressive. That said, I’m hoping the plot twist to this all is that if she makes a sexual move MC turns her down cause of context of the past. The commander girl would be a better clean slate for that kind of thing

Dylan

Totally adorable, loved reading!


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