Buttopia
patreon
Chapter 208: A Gaggle of Paladins
🕑 Added 2025-07-17 08:03:18 +0000 UTC“Hello and welcome to the Empire of Dave. This is Dave Imogen, the leader of the faction. What brings all of you to Earth for the visit?” Pryte said to the five paladins in front of the gate that they had just arrived through.
Of the said paladins, only a single one of them appeared to be human. They had a similar symbol to what I had seen on Elody’s books worn across their chest, so I assumed that was the paladin of knowledge. Three of the other four looked like humanoid animals. A squirrel, a horse, and a bird, specifically. The last was the strangest, their form kept shifting as I looked at them. One moment it was a gnome, and the next a tree of some sort.
“Hi,” I said in my usual lack of formality in meeting important people. That just didn’t seem likely to change anytime soon. It wasn’t that I didn’t respect them. It was more that I didn’t like the idea of placing myself beneath them in any way.
“Hello, Dave. My name is Roril Thorl. I’m a paladin of conservation, and likely the only one you were expecting. It is nice to meet you, and to be blunt, even nicer to mee such a magnificent young primal,” the squirrel man said as he stepped past me.
I hadn’t even realized the moose had joined us. But there he was, bowing his head and letting Roril scratch behind his ears. At least we were likely to solve the puzzle of what to do with him before this meeting was over.
“Sir,” Elody said loudly, stepping up next to us, as she looked toward the man I had thought was a member of her order.
“Elody, you’ve made some interesting life choices here, but considering what has happened already with this faction, I can’t say I blame you. Where is the new young paladin anyway?” the man asked, tipping his head slightly as he smiled at Elody.
“He’s likely working on his fields. Would you like to meet him?” Elody asked, she sounded caught off guard.
“It’s why most of us are here. Can’t say I’m not interested in meeting the guy that pissed Korl off so much, but I had other things that sounded much more fun, well ahead of that in my mind. But I made a promise to Jornlorn, and I sure as hell intended to keep it,” the shifting form said, now looking like a rainbow with a face.
“X-Xwq, as loath as you are to agree, I think even you realize we should have this talk behind closed doors,” the horse-like person said.
“I agree with Matthew, and I assume Morkland does as well,” the bird followed up, their voice full of a natural melodic rhythm. I assumed that meant they were the paladin of music.
“I do, but I won’t attempt to force you X-Xwq,” the human paladin of knowledge replied.
“I will acquiesce to the request. The reality of the dangers faced by the young paladin far outweighs any need I have to have the meeting in the town square,” X-Xwq said. I pegged them as the paladin of anarchy, which left Matthew as the paladin of roads.
“Cecile, Elicec, could you join us in our private meeting room in the hall?” Pryte said, pulling out a walkie-talkie from his pocket.
It had taken a lot of tinkering, but between Karlinovo, me, and an RF engineer named Ralph, we had managed to get a working one. Initially, I had just wanted to use cell phones, but the moment we started pumping up the ambient mana, the more difficult that it became. The interference was screwing with the cell signal too much. As it was now, we had a landline connected to a tower thirty miles outside the city, so we could still maintain communication. That was a problem we were working on, but it looked like we’d need to completely reconfigure the carrier wave, and that would take a lot of time. So for now, we were back with short-range walkie-talkies, and somehow we had also reverted to a reality of phone booths.
“Be there in a second, what’s up?” Elicec’s voice came back through it.
“I’ll explain once you’re here,” Pryte said, dropping the device back into his pocket after the message. “Alright, if everyone could follow me.”
“So I haven’t caught your name yet, but I’m guessing you’re the paladin of music?” I said, walking closer to the bird.
“You picked up on my melody then? Yes, I am. My name is Bass Harmony, grand diva of the fifth symphony,” she said, as she bowed her head slightly.
“I did, your voice is beautiful. Is this a constant in your order?” I asked as we entered the hall. I felt oddly cheerful. Some of the initial anxiety in meeting the paladins had melted away. Was it her song?
“Not all can sing as I can, but there are many forms of music and all are beauty,” she answered. All eyes in the hall turned toward her, including the very curious look of Connie, who jumped from her chair to join us.
“Who is the young bard?” Morkland asked as we settled ourselves around a table in one of the private meeting rooms off the main hall.
This room specifically had been sealed against spying by everything Karlinovo could whip up. After that, Elody and Quarilyn added some anti-magic properties to clamp down on any magical mind influences. Lastly, Pryte had worked some of his own unique power into the room, something to do with easing tensions.
“My name is Constance Aurelia V,” she answered, with an uncharacteristic blush forming on her cheeks.
“Interesting, so then you’re Trelione’s granddaughter, aren’t you? Are you also studying the Stellar Opera?” Bass asked, causing Connie’s cheeks to redden further than before. So that was who she was nervous to meet. I could understand that. Bass seemed quite talented in her art.
“Oh, you’ve heard of Gramps?” Connie asked meekly.
The paladins all erupted into laughter. “Everyone has heard of your grandfather. There are few musicians like him. The man is a legend far beyond the realms of music. That is a man on my list of people to meet one day,” X-Xwq replied, their form that of a large house cat now.
“Oh, yeah, he’s pretty awesome,” she replied, some of the earlier look starting to fade.
“Elody, you are about to learn some things that you wouldn’t normally be privy to at your rank, but as you have signed onto this faction, I’m appointing you the official liaison between our order and Dave’s Empire here. And that is going to come with some added knowledge that will likely be more of a burden than a gift,” Morkland said, his eyes focusing strongly on Elody as he spoke.
“I understand,” she replied.
“You don’t yet, but that’s okay. You will…” his words were cut off as the door opened and the Twinoge entered.
“Uh, hi, I’m Elicec, and this is Cecile,” Elicec said as several heads turned to stare at them.
There was another bit of laughter, this time only from X-Xwq before he spoke. “Jornlorn would absolutely love this. Amazing, you two even have your own cores, separate souls, and all. Damn, that’s incredible.”
“We do. Can someone explain what’s going on, though, because it’s rude to laugh at us just because we look different,” Cecile said, sounding annoyed.
“I’m sorry, young paladin, X-Xwq doesn’t mean it that way. If anything, they are trying to compliment you. They were the closest to the last man who held your class,” Matthew said calmly.
“Please sit, we have a lot to discuss,” Roril added.
“Let’s cover the simplest part first. The paladin orders, and yes, all of them, meet once a year for a summit. This isn’t widely known outside of heads of factions and higher-ranked members of the orders, as even the warring orders still send their heads to this gathering. As you are the only member of your order alive, it will fall to you to attend the next meeting,” Morkland said.
“Do-do I have to come alone?” Cecile asked, stuttering slightly over his words.
“No, you may bring an attendant, and in your case, your brother may obviously join you as well. The next meeting is in eleven months. I will leave you the information needed to find your way to the summit when we depart,” Roril said.
“But more importantly, we are here to discuss the legacy of Jornlorn. Are you aware of just how much danger you are in?” Bass asked. Some of the power of her song seemed to have vanished. I didn’t know if it was from the room or she had lessened it on her own.
“Why would I be in danger? It’s just a class to help people, right?” Cecile sounded confused. But I thought I already understood the issue.
“That explains why you were chosen, you have the same naive idealism as Jornlorn had. I swear the man understood anarchy on an innate level. He had no idea the power he held, if he could actually feed the Spiral, asking nothing in return. So many hierarchies, so much power, is all based on the idea that people need to eat.” X-Xwq had shifted into some sort of squiggly lines as he spoke.
“Wait, people will want to stop me from feeding the Empire? Why?” Cecile asked, still sounding lost at the concept.
“Not the Empire of Dave, young paladin, which in truth makes you a little safer under this man’s protection, but as your power and influence grow, there will be others who wish to stop you,” Morkland answered.
“And the five of us were entrusted by Jornlorn to pass on his last will and testament to the next paladin of agriculture should anything happen to him,” Matthew added.
Roads, trails, paths, highways, these are all ways life has moved and journeyed across its existence in all known worlds. And all of these wanderings have been met with danger. At every crossroads awaits a new demon to steal an innocent soul. And so was born the first order of paladins. The paladins of the road seek to protect all travelers as they move through their lives. The unseen dangers that lurk are held at bay by this strange primordial order of paladins. I know little of their exact abilities, as they have never fought in the Arena. Virtually none of their powers have been documented. What is known, though, is that where demons lurk, paladins of the road bring their light.
The Paladin Classes by Zolinjar
Continue to Chapter 209
Comments
Phoenix Trinity
"So many hierarchies, so much power, is all based on the idea that people need to eat.” X-Xwq had shifted into some sort of squiggly lines as he spoke." Im here and i literally laughed and clapped. God I'm so relieved the word anarchy being used with at least a basic understanding! I've really fallen in love with the paladin system and bgl this may be my favourite.
Michael Halpern
Of course mana is fucking with RF. that's going to be a bitch and a half to implement the fix for.
