Bitter Karella

patreon

Bitter Karella posts

Posts: 632 Files: 77

Midnight Pals: Trad Times

Colleen Hoover: well gollyHoover: i don't know why everyone's so scared of lil' ol' meHoover: i'm just a girl, after allHoover: just a harmless girlHoover: i just love normal girl thingsHoover: like canning my own jams and fruit preservesHoover: wearing a gingham dress while churning butter on my family homesteadHoover: and feeding my hungry hungry boys a nutritious organic seed oil-free meal of fried beef tallow and horse pas...

Midnight Pals: A Better Fit

Nora Roberts: ah here we arePoe: nora? aren't you usually at the romance campfire?Roberts: yeah but i wanted to bring you a new memberPoe: a new member?Roberts: yeah meet colleen hooverColleen Hoover:Poe: oh, uh, hiRoberts: yeah she just wasn't fitting in over thereRoberts: so we thought we'd bring her hereRoberts: we thought she'd just fit in better with you guysPoe: umPoe: we usually tell horror stories hereRoberts: yeahRoberts:...

A Special Presentation 321: Homestuck Pilot

That's right, we're going to tell you about Homestuck and YOU'RE GONNA LISTEN. (I'm actually not in this episode, my co-host Ethan flies solo with two guests... Jerna and Gertrude Perkins. Enjoy! It's Homestuck, people like Homestuck!

Midnight Pals: Glinner's Game

[mysterious circle of robed figures]JK Rowling: hello childrenRowling: i want you all to say hello to graham linehanRowling: he'ss jussst a normal manGraham Linehan: [wearing tin foil hat] trans free masons run the country!Rowling: yess yess i know i wass ignoring graham for a long timeRowling: i thought that hiss unhinged behavior and general repellentnessss might make all us terfss look badRowling: but i think the general sstate of gender c...

Midnight Pals Podcast: The Tale of THAT

Episode SummaryIt's a full moon, and Stephen King's evil alter ego, Richard Bachman, has escaped!Episode NotesIt’s the night of the full moon, and someone forgot to lock up Stephen King securely. Now Steve’s evil alter ego, Richard Bachman, has escaped! The Pals have no choice but to hear his murder clown hotel story.CASTStephen King/Richard Bachman – JASON ROBINSONClive Barker – DAVID AULTEdgar Allan Poe – RODRIGO BORGESMary Sh...

Midnight Pals: Epic Roast

Stephen King: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call thisElon Musk: [rising from bushes] eyyyy Stephano kingMusk: itsa me, you besta friend elonMusk: elon musk!Musk: i got something to show youMusk: you ever wanted to be the subject of an epic roast?King: me? subject to an epic roast?King: wow, that sounds like a lark!King: yes, actually i would love to be roasted!Musk: check it out, you know you can get grok to roast you?King...

Midnight Pals: Making a Spectacle

Beatrice Winifred Iker: Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this the tale of the demon at the HBCULovecraft: what's a HBCUIker: it's a historically blPoe: oh no don't say it in front of howardPoe: the abbreviation will do just fineIker: "don't say it in front of howard?"Poe: yeah we don't want to get howard agitatedIker:Poe: you have to understand, howard is a little bit racistIker:Iker:Iker: coo...

A Special Presentation: The Shadow

This week, we look at the forgotten 1994 action flick The Shadow and find a surprisingly fun little romp, studded with absolute stars like Alec Baldwin, Penelope Ann Miller, Tim Curry, a young Ian McKellen, John Ione, Sab Shimono, Koop, Neelix, Bob the guardian angel, Willie Tanner, and so many more! Thrills! Chills! Spills! They're all here! We like it!

Five Raging Hearts

Very excited to receive my contributor copy of "Five Raging Hearts," a very cool new collection of splatterpunk shorts written in response to these dark time. It features stories by Wile E Young, Craig Brownlie, Judith Sonnet, Matthew L Reyes, and Roxane Llanque... with an introduction by yours truly, ie me, Bitter Karella! you can find it at:https://godless.com/products/five-raging-hearts-splatterpunk-for-the-soul-december-3rd?

Midnight Pals: Stupid Sexy Frankenstein

Guillermo del Toro: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of frankenstein del Toro: but del Toro: this frankenstein is a little different Bram Stoker: yes we know, guillermo, this frankenstein is hot del Toro: del Toro: oh del Toro: i've mentioned this before?Stoker: i'm so tired of all these hot, hot frankensteins Stoker: first kenneth branagh, now this Stoker: it's like, god, everyone's gotta d...

A Special Presentation or Alf will not be Seen tonight 319: The Fabulous Funnies [2 of 2]

It's the Fabulous Funnies -- a 1970s cartoon that adapts Alley Oop, the Katzenjammer Kids, and other beloved comics of the last century into the most boring, didactic series you've ever seen. The kids will love it, I guess. It notably does NOT include Tumbleweeds. Hmm. It's awful and we hate it. So naturally we talked about it for two hours, because we kept getting distracted by more interesting things.

Midnight Pals: Running Man

King: Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this the tale of the running man King: it's about a dystopian future where real people's pain is exploited for television ratings King: you might even call it King: reality TVKoontz: wow! this sounds cool! Koontz: i just have one question King: what's that, dean? Koontz: why isn't Pennywise in this? King: Koontz: you know, pennywise the dancing clown King: i am aware...

Midnight Pals: Black Phone 2

Joe Hill: but if you think THAT'S scaryHill: wait until you hear about the tale of the black phone 2Hill: oh hero, named FinnHill: like Stranger Things!Hill: is now in the 80sHill: like Stranger Things!Hill: but get readyHill: cuz the sequel is going to be even more KING-ESQUEBarker: does it take place in maineHill: NOHill: i mean that it harnesses the power of modern American myth-makingBarker:Hill: there's a girl on a horseHill: there&#...

Midnight Pals: Black Phone

Stephen King: okay guys today my boy joe is going to tell a storyKing: and we're all gonna give him our full attention okay?Barker: sureKing: and we're gonna act like it's really great, okay?King: because it is really great!King: you'll love this storyKing: now joe, he's a chip off the ol' blockJoe Hill: dad please stopHill: i need to find my own voiceHill: i don't want everyone thinking i'm just a nepo babyKing: i...

Midnight Pals: Elon's Crash Out

King: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the Elon Musk [rising out of bushes]: eyyyy stephano king Musk: itsa me, elon! Barker: hey it's your pal King: he's not my pal!! Barker: look everyone it's steve's pal Poe: that's enough clive Poe: you're going too farKing: elon why are you here? shouldn't you be back at tesla? King: you know, running things? King: earning that trillion dollar bonus?...

A Special Presentation 318: The Fabulous Funnies [1 of 2]

Midnight Pals: Oates' Revenge

Stephen King: submitted for the approval of theElon Musk: [rising from bushes] eyyyyy Stephano kingKing: oh criminyKing: this againKing: is there no one who will rid me of this vexing trillionaireJoyce Carol Oates:Oates: they should abolish same height marriageOates: temperature is just a theoryOates: less cheese on thingsMusk: eyyy she posta da crazy talk!Musk: she no a great poster lika meMusk: da long cat issa long!Musk: whatsa dat?Oates: noth...

Midnight Pals Podcast: The Tale of the Shadow over Innsmouth

Episode SummaryIt's HP Lovecraft’s turn, so he tells a story about a town with a dark secret that is almost certainly “There’s a squid”.Episode NotesIt's HP Lovecraft’s turn and nobody can stop it, so he tells a story about a town whose sinister residents guard a dark secret that is almost certainly “There’s a squid”. Howard and Mary go head-to-head in a high-stakes bet.HP Lovecraft —ROBIN JOHNSONClive Barker — DAVID A...

Midnight Pals: Blue Wave

Stephen King: hey guys guess what? King: the blue wave is back!🌊🌊🌊 King: it's curtains for DRUMP! King: end of the line for mango mussolini! King: no more orange julius caesar! King: i haven't been so excited since we finally defeated bu$hitler back in '09!HP Lovecraft: now i don't usually pay a lot of attention to New york city Lovecraft: that seething, teeming metropolis Lovecraft: which i have been told is filthy with ...

Midnight Pals: Elon's Crashout

Clive Barker: hey steve where's your friend elon Stephen King: he's not my friend Barker: yeah sure so where is he? Barker: haven't seen him allllll day Barker: wonder what's up with that Barker: sure hope he's not having a bad time Barker: ha ha ha ha[twitter headquarters] Elon Musk: eyyyy itsa me, elon musk! Musk: eyyyy New York you gotta electa cuomo to sava western civilization, capiche? Musk: i endorsa cuomo! Musk: anna m...

Midnight Pals: Slewfoot

Brom: Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this the tale of slewfoot Brom: it's about this puritan woman who befriends a devil named samson Barker: why's it called slewfoot, then? Brom: because Brom: Brom: because fuck you, that's whyBrom: so there's this puritan village Brom: and let me tell you Brom: puritans FUCKING SUCKKKK Brom: they're such a bunch of buzz kills Brom: all they want to do is pray and ...

Uh oh! Not enough Moonflow to go around?!?

just a helpful reminder

A Special Presentation, or Alf Will Not Be Seen Tonight 317: Beakman's World

Since I mostly only post Midnight Pals stuff here on my Patreon, I don't know how familiar some of you might be with my other projects. So you may not know that I also have a regular weekly podcast with my good friend Ethan! We mostly do it for fun, so I keep forgetting it's a thing XP Anyway, I figured I might as well also post that here, just so those of you who can't get enough of Bitter Karella's BLATHERING can hear me doing ...

Midnight Pals: Goth Town

Vivian Moira Valentine: [descending into frame on a black parasol] hello lovelies of the night!Valentine: I've got a fun flirty little tale for you, as sweet and spooky as a dark chocolate truffleKing: wow! i don't know what this is, but i'm sold!Valentine: Submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the shadows over ravenskirkValentine: it takes place in ravenkirk, the gothiest townAaron Alexovich: it ...

The Return of Midnight Pals: The Podcast!

Very excited to announce that, in honor of the holiest day of the year (Halloween), Submitted for the Approval of the Midnight Pals: The Podcast is BACK, with a special Halloween treat -- the pals finally get back at those bullies over at Clarion West! We had a long hiatus due to real world badness, but glad to finally get back on track! Give it a listen if you like to laugh, cuz I think this one's got some good stuff... including guest appea...

Midnight Pals: Elon's LOTR

[at unicorn fuck club]Elon Musk: [rising from bushes] eyyyy it'sa me, elon!JRR Tolkien: elon musk?!Tolkien: my word! I don't think we've ever had you at OUR campfire before!Tolkien: you're usually over there with thatTolkien: [grumbling] midnight societyTolkien: it's just that you're usually hanging out with Stephen kingMusk: si, Stephano king anna meMusk: we havin a kinda, how you say, break?GRR Martin: oooo trouble in pa...

Midnight Pals: Crappy UFO

Whitley Strieber: welcome back, grey wolves, to the dreamland with whitley StrieberStrieber: the podcast that asks the questions the Bilderberg illuminati reverse vampires don’t want you to askStrieber: remember: the truth is out there!Strieber: keep watching the skies!Strieber: i want to believe!Strieber: trust no one!Strieber: today we've got a revelation that's gonna really blow your mindsStrieber: i'm here today with Guillermo d...

Event: Bloodstone Books One Year Anniversary!

Just a little announcement that I'll be at the One Year Anniversary for Sacramento's Bloodstone Books on Nov. 1. I'll be on a panel with cool authors like Tara Sim and Hironn Ennes! Check the link below for more info:https://www.instagram.com/p/DPj8ZagAYvY/

Midnight Pals: A Game in Yellow

Hailey Piper: Submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the game in yellowPiper: what if there was a book that, if you read it, it made you go insanePiper: but also it made you super hornyPiper: would you take that chance?Barker: i don't know why you're even asking lolPiper: look, has it ever happened that you find you've exhausted all the pleasures of this worldPiper: and you're just desperate fo...

Midnight Pals: Magic and Disaster

Charlie Jane Anders: Submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the lessons in magic and disasterAnders: sometimes having a relationship with your parents is difficultJoe Hill: don't i know it!Stephen King: what's that, joe?Hill: nothingAnders: sometimes a relationship w your parents is like being on the conveyer belt in the classic movie Toy Story 3Anders: but what if you could connect to your parents wit...