1900HOTDOG posts
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Hot Dog Appreciation Day: Sex-erasing Voids for the Deeply Broken
Welcome, šs, to your day of appreciation. Weāre awesome. We know that. We know it so hard that we always do two-man Halloween costumes. This year weāre going as a centaur! (Weāre both the man part.)But this isnāt about us. This is about you. Did you know youāre awesome? Because you are. We have proof!First letās check in on Sissyneck Corner, where ābless your heartā actually means ābless your heart,ā and ādid you want tot...
Nerding Day: The Beano Book 1987
When I was a kid, I didn't read comics with any sort of regularity. Random issues midway through runs of series I'd never heard of would simply materialize periodically in unsorted piles, brought home by a parent who presumably purchased them at some kind of bulk comics store specializing in remaindered copies of overprinted and underselling Image titles.To this day, I have memories of comics whose characters I've never been able to i...
Animated Podcast: Dogg Zzone 9000 - Episode 251, Kool-Aid Wacky-Zany Video with Dimitri Simakis
The Dogg Zzone welcomes Dimitri Simakis from Everything Is Terrible for another Hot Dog origin story! Come learn how a pitcher of rapping sugar water led to the creation of the world's largest collection of Jerry Maguire VHS tapes! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Robert will go to jail if you don't buy his book. I know what you're thinking... This is NOT the time to be a wise guy. BU...
Extra Wiener - 251, Lady Hunters with Dimitri Simakis
We're huntin' ladies with Dimitri Simakis! Don't worry, no ladies will be harmed in the making of this episode. None of this advice will ever work.
Dogg Zzone 9000 - Episode 251, Kool-Aid Wacky-Zany Video with Dimitri Simakis
The Dogg Zzone welcomes Dimitri Simakis from Everything Is Terrible for another Hot Dog origin story! Come learn how a pitcher of rapping sugar water led to the creation of the world's largest collection of Jerry Maguire VHS tapes! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Robert will go to jail if you don't buy his book. I know what you're thinking... This is NOT the time to be a wise guy. BU...
Nerding Day: Silver's Spells for Protection
Happy Curse Day! Iām dicked.Iāve antagonized each corner of the coven, and itās one of those horror shapes with infinite angles. You know, a circle. This Halloween, Iām not worried about curses. They can use fists. Iām one guy, and mortal jumpingās on the table. My futureās endless Doc Martenās to the ribs, and I burned that kink out in undergrad.Luckily, the magick shoppe clerks are on my side.I asked for a spiritual greatshield....
Learning Day: The Toronto Scarf Queenš
How often do you think about scarves? Stop. Don't answer that. I can tell you right now, it's not enough. It's recently come to my attention that scarves are the most important thing. The secret meaning of life can't be found in art, family, or a game of basketball against the Looney Tunes, like we all thought. I'm pretty sure happiness is scarves. Look at the ecstasy that a simple scarf has brought the woman on the cover of t...
Podcasting Day: The Spooky October Podcast Roundup
October! Spooky! Ok, I know there is still a week left of October, but hereās the thing. I drew a bunch of spooky achromatic stuff for you this month and if I release it in November, itās gonna look stupid. I donāt want that, and some of you probably donāt want that. But before we get into the podcasts and all of that, letās see what delightful scares our writers freely released into the world this month.Zak Koonce started the month off...
Hot Dog Store: Wish You Were Here, XOXO - HotDog
OH SHIT NEW PRODUCT ALERT, WEāVE DONE IT AGAIN!Thatās right, once again weāve invented a completely new type of product. Remember when we introduced āpostersā as shirts for your walls? You all loved it! You wrote me letters sent to my personal address which, while terrifying, were very supportive. The Hot Dog Laboratory (a thing weāve totally always had and not something I made up two-hundred and eleven energy drinks deep into my 59th...
Nerding Day: Mother Goose Rock ānā Rhyme
Growing up with broke parents meant two things: I was only hit with low quality pleather belts and most of our VHS tapes were copies of copies of copies that someone else recorded off of television. Most of these were pagan Christmas specials and anti-drug specials that are much more enjoyable if youāre on drugs. Some were inexplicably sporting events like the first Miami Heat game that my dad thought would be āvaluableā to keep on tape. Fo...
Learning Day: The Walnuts Concludes
A few months back, I celebrated Pride Month with an appreciation piece about the Burt Reynolds sitcom Evening Shade, for showcasing basic human decency around trans issues.But Iām not done yet!Itās not enough simply to support trans rights and queer peopleā¦true allyship demands that I likewise denigrate and toxify heteronormative sex until it surrenders. Hence, itās time for a real gut-punch to the libido that can only be categorized as a...
Learning Day: Canadian Handbook for the Recently Embarrassingly Deceasedš
So: you've died in Canada. And as the famous saying goes, when you die in Canada, you die in real life, bud. There are plenty of dignified ways to go in the Great White North: crushed by moose, run down by zamboni, cut in half by Shania Twain. And then there are the deaths so specific, so embarrassing, that we never thought we'd have to warn people against them.But here we are. You fucked up big-time, pal. So big, in fact, that we've ...
Animated Podcast: Dogg Zzone 9000 - Episode 250, Rock 'n' Roll High School Forever with Zak Koonce
The original Rock 'n' Roll High School was a fun punk rock classic. The sequel is a Corey Feldman musical. It's the farthest human art has fallen in the least amount of time, and fucking Zak Koonce insisted we watch it.----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Robert will go to jail if you don't buy his book. I know what you're thinking... This is NOT the time to be a wise guy. BUY HIS...
Extra Wiener 250 - Brainfuck to Godhood with Zak Koonce
It's a good ol' fashioned Quaid-eatin' contest with your boy, Zak Koonce!
Dogg Zzone 9000 - Episode 250, Rock 'n' Roll High School Forever with Zak Koonce
The original Rock 'n' Roll High School was a fun punk rock classic. The sequel is a Corey Feldman musical. It's the farthest human art has fallen in the least amount of time, and fucking Zak Koonce insisted we watch it.----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Robert will go to jail if you don't buy his book. I know what you're thinking... This is NOT the time to be a wise guy. BUY HIS...
Learning Day: Flat Earth University
Earth might be round. I donāt tell new friends, it tends to throw off the tone. No point feeding the āpreachy Rounderā stereotype. But when Iāve known someone long enough to bond over shared hatreds, I let the round Earth slip. And wait.Some people shut down. They deflect back to safe topics, like leeches curing deviance. Then slowly but surely disappear over the disputed horizon. Still, every now and then I meet a real one. Someone that ...
Nerding Day: Beast From Haunted Cave
You know the king of cult films, Roger Corman, ok, so he had a younger brother who was sort of the court jester of cult films. He wanted to make cheap films as quickly and dangerously as possible, which makes Beast From Haunted Cave his biggest success. They shot it in 13 days, nearly suffocated a bunch of actors in a cave, and the final product is actually kind of dope.Gene Corman would "informally survey" Hollywood high school students ...
Hot Dog Store: A-Pop Bigfeets Hunters
Thereās only one crew in town that can strengthen the Appalachian Honmoon, but you aināt gonna like the way they do it.You wanna get wild? Okay, Iāll show you wild.Available right now in our store in a variety of colors and sizes, the hit internet streaming series that has been heard by over seven hundred billion people finally has a shirt. And by buying one, you help reinforce the Honmoon with Jeffās golden abilities.Yes, it is working! ...
Video Podcast: BIGFEETS Episode 57 - AIMS vs The Waya Woman, Part 2
In this episode, the AIMS Team loses fights against: A cornfield, half of a house, the concept of triangles, a little boy with a bicycle bell, continuity, their new staff writer, the ghosts of dog-eaten children, adolescent trauma, and Willy's aborted chicken coop. It's the best show ever made. ---------------------------------------------------------- Robert will go to jail if you don't buy his book. I know what you're thinking....
BIGFEETS Episode 57 - AIMS vs The Waya Woman, Part 2
In this episode, the AIMS Team loses fights against: A cornfield, half of a house, the concept of triangles, a little boy with a bicycle bell, continuity, their new staff writer, the ghosts of dog-eaten children, adolescent trauma, and Willy's aborted chicken coop. It's the best show ever made. ---------------------------------------------------------- Robert will go to jail if you don't buy his book. I know what you're thinking.....
Hot Dog Store: Crisis on Infinite Berks, get that Squatch Body
Be the manimal, little person toy genius, or speedboat wrestler you want to see in the world.THERE IS A CRISIS! ON INFINITE BERKS! THAT IS SO MANY BERKS!Behold the many crisiseseees. Unimaginable! But lo, it has been imagined, and forever preserved on a shirt! Wow! Sorry, Iām still not recovered from Seanbabyās article yesterday. All I see when I close my eyes is teeth and the least erotic toe sucking of all time. If you havenāt taken a loo...
Fucking Day: Intimate Secrets of Sex and Spirit
The year was 1995 and we thought we knew how to fuck.We were wrong. Lubricate your yoni and look through the keyhole of Paul "Ramana Das" Silbey, D.D. and his second wife, Marilena.Released alongside their album, ECSTATICA 1, a Hypno-Trance Love Dance Soundtrack for Lovers, Intimate Secrets of Sex & Spirit American Tantra How to Worship Each Other in Bed! is two middle-aged hippies who have embraced each other's freak far past the bou...
Nerding Day: Zork What Do I Do Now
Back before fun was invented, one of the most popular video game franchises was Zork. Iām going off the assumption that not everyone knows this because itās 2025 and Iām no longer in a position to believe my finger is on the pulse of the culture. Actually, scratch that. Iāve never been in a position to believe my finger was on the pulse of the culture. I didnāt even know who was popular when I was a teenager, so I feel comfortable being...
Nerding Day: Angel Wars: Guardian Force
Paradise Lost, plus Reboot, minus Paradise Lost. I love this dead planet.Getting back out thereās tough. Maybe youāre divorced. Maybe you split before paperwork. Maybe thereās no one to split from. Maybe your perfect Baptist Power Rangers botched their Kickstarter. Whatever your story, itās not over. You can focus on yourself (die alone), become an alpha (die alone), or meet someone perfect (die alone). Dying aloneās not about love, itā...
Animated Podcast: Dogg Zzone 9000 - Episode 249, The Amazing Live Sea-Monkeys with Michael Swaim
Back in the 1990s we briefly mistook elaborate prosthetics for comedy. That's how we got The Amazing Live Sea Monkeys, a Howie Mandel production starring three suffocating improv comedians dying inside defective sex toys. Michael Swaim will explain how they influenced the course of his entire life. Presumably for the worse. -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------Robert will go to jail if you don'...
Extra Wiener 249 - TIDBITS with Michael Swaim
If you're deficient in cute puns and dying from a lack of hunky buns, this game of Tidbits with Michael Swaim might keep you alive long enough to get the medical attention you need.
Dogg Zzone 9000 - Episode 249, The Amazing Live Sea-Monkeys with Michael Swaim
Back in the 1990s we briefly mistook elaborate prosthetics for comedy. That's how we got The Amazing Live Sea Monkeys, a Howie Mandel production starring three suffocating improv comedians dying inside defective sex toys. Michael Swaim will explain how they influenced the course of his entire life. Presumably for the worse. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Robert will go to jail if you don...
Learning Day: So You Wanna Be a Gambler! Learn how to Win at Slots
It used to be that you couldn't gamble on your phone while jacking off and smoking weed. You used to have to go places to do things in America: a casino, the adult bookstore, your weird dealer's house where you don't know how long you're supposed to hang out with him to be polite. We've become a soft nation, addicted to the full spectrum of sinful pleasures which are immediately accessible to us at all times. We want it all, a...
Fucking Day: Penis Enlargement š
As the only certified alpha male at this website, itās my responsibility to talk to you about yankin' your hog until it bigger. This is science. I know you probably have a lot of questions. Is the growth exponential? Could you have a body builder penis? Could your 50-foot penis attack downtown San Francisco? Letās find out together that the answer is yes.Ok, so this is only promising āseveral inchesā of growth. If I want to see a peni...
Hot Dog Store: Hot Dog Pail Kids and Hunky Vault Time
Itās almost time to buy Christmas presents. Or holiday presents or whatever. Itās shopping season, that means you need to collect them all! There are two.This week Iām talkin about 1900HOTDOG HOT DOG PAIL KIDS!Available right now in our store in a variety of colors and sizes. Here it is in a womenās cut.Also available as a tank top in EIGHT different colors, including Oatmeal Triblend?!?! I think this is the most weāve ever offered. Tha...
