sonderlust posts
Posts: 136
Files: 123
all i really want
I’m starting out the music posts with an obvious one but it felt fitting. I realized recently that I think of Jagged Little Pill as a year, with each of the 12 tracks representing and associated with a month. I don’t know why, but in my head I see a year visually, cascading not just down but down diagonally and three dimensionally, almost like stairs, with each month having a different energy and shade. I’ve been listening to this album sin...
extra
I miss you extra todayAnd maybe it’s because I’m not supposed toMaybe it’s because I can’t get you out of my systemMaybe it’s because I don’t want toI feel like crying todayAnd maybe it’s because you’re further out of reachMaybe it’s because I feel like no one understandsThe language I speak I don’t know how to teachIt all feels wrong todayI close my eyes and I see your faceMaybe this will haunt me foreverMaybe I could find a ...
just a note
morning all :) would you guys be into me posting music here? I’ll routinely have a song I’m really into or one that pops up from my past that I have on repeat or maybe just something I’m vibing to etc, let me know if you’d be interested in that. thank you as always for being here <3
neighbors
My neighbor across the courtyard Just recently moved inNeither of us have curtainsAnd I think we watch each otherIn a non-weird wayHe started with a box of nothingNo furnitureNothing on the walls Nothing in the windowsillJust like meBut now he has his office set upA plant hanging in the window Books stacked in the sillHis space has come to lifeJust like mine has He has the same ikea lamps as I doAnd I wonder Is he lonely like me?He makes music an...
147th & broadway
shot on 35mm film
moths
Like a moth to a flame Why am I drawn to pain I would love to sit here and say that I hate itBut perversely I think I may live to create itAnd maybe that’s why you like me so muchYou see in me that same familiar clutchAt a life so fully lived it just may destroy youAt the violent truthAt the chance to feel brand newThis way and that wayUp down now replayCan’t you see that the train’s left the stationYou did say you needed a place to vacatio...
recognition
I told him: “It seems like you are looking for someone, But I want someone who is looking for me.” He said he didn’t know how to respond to that That told me a lot I couldn’t blame himIt’s a nuanced thing to sayMost people might not know what I mean by itBut to me it’s as clear as glass As straightforward as looking in the mirrorI told you: “I feel like you are looking for me, And it’s not true but it’s how I feel.” You didn...
trust issues
When people say they have ‘trust issues’ My mind jumps to tales of juvenile games And textbook stories of deceit ‘They didn’t deserve for their belief in others to be degraded like that,’ I think to myself As if I am separate from them But when I look in the mirror I see someone with ‘trust issues’ too Because how could I believe That someone may want me wholly and unedited Without concessions made When there has always been a strug...
sun speckle
shot on 35mm film
grief
I used to cry to youIn bed wrapped around youYou would ask: “What’s wrong?” I told you that one dayWe would be separatedBy deathAnd that one lifetime wasn’t enoughThat I would never have enough time with youBut I am still aliveAnd you are still aliveAnd death wasn’t what separated usAnd I have come to know That life is just one long grieving processAnd there is comfortIn finally understanding that
a promise kept
“Everything happens for a reason” These words have become emptyRegurgitated and lifeless and hollow They hang in the airAs a trite and tired consolation prizeTheir repetition has wearied meYet without them I can’t seem to restAnd when I actually stop to considerWhy I once believed them in the first placeWhy I walk forward Bloodied and bruisedBut blindly certainI’m met with the reminderThat the path unfolds beneath my feet With every step ...
endless glow
shot on 35mm film
quiet joy
I am eating my soft boiled eggs. I am meticulously peeling the white part off of my orange slices and I am enjoying it more than I feel I should be considering the grandest moments are said to be at the top of a mountain or at the bottom of your bucket list or on some life changing quest. Why then does grandeur peek its head through the smallest moments no one will ever witness or capture or write about. I am sitting in silence with only the dist...
search results
Sometimes late at nightWhen I should be sleepingI search our texts for ‘I love you’ To see all the times you said it to me It feels like all I have left of us nowI’m always surprised to see that to most of themI didn’t say it backI was scaredYou understoodYou held the space for meTo be protective of myselfYou never pushed meI wish I was like you in that wayI regret all of the times I pushed youMade things harder for youI never wanted toI ...
fool's errand
A cute guy messaged me on instagramI had never interacted with him before The url equivalent of being approached at a barHe’s an artistMakes musicSeems cool and fun I messaged back Because that’s what I’m supposed to do now Be "open to the possibilities"Within a few back and forths He said he wanted to get to know me If I have the space for thatI was glad he used that languageIt allowed me to be truthfulAbout the fact that I really ...
simpler times
shot on 35mm film
sun salutation – digital download
shot on 35mm film high resolution .jpg not for commercial use
price of admission
Neon interrupts a black skyGlowing world awaiting explorationSteel gates that seem more like a suggestionPulled into the gravity of twisted liberation “Two tickets please,” your voice steady and sureHeavy against distant screams and laughterYour eyes hold weight I’ve never been throughAnd I’ve never known you but I’ve had toConcessions stand and concessions madeFunhouse mirror becomes clearApproaching the big drop I lose my nerveAnd you...
first love
I saw a man today on the subwayStanding in a perfectly turned out first position I can always spot dancers on the streetThe way they walk The way their bun is twisted and pinnedThe way they move throughout the worldI can see myself in themSometimes it’s my biggest regretCracking under the pressureFeeling like my body wasn’t rightLetting myself hold me backI didn’t have the best feetI wasn’t the skinniest I wasn’t crazy flexible without ...
undiagnosed
The first time we slept together You didn’t reach out to me after You didn’t text You didn’t call I didn’t understandI felt such a strong connection that nightI saw you the next weekend at the barYou were carrying glasses to the back when I came inYou looked so happy to see me It confused meI had spent the week upsetI felt so slightedLike you didn’t like me at allWe went outside for a cigarette on your breakI asked you why you didn’t ...
polonaise terrace
brooklyn, new york — shot on 35mm film
in ways they haven't
You said you want to die in slow motionI said You’re in luck You already areYou look at me like you’ve never seen love beforeI thinkYou’ve just been hiding from it You’ve just been seeking in the wrong corners You tell me things you’ve never said out loud beforeI hearYou haven’t had anyone to say them toYour surroundings never felt like home to youYou said you want to touch me in places No one has beforeIn ways they haven’t I know Y...
the truth
When I cry my nose gets really redMy eyes and lips get swollenThe fine line between my eyebrows Becomes more pronouncedFrom scrunching my face upI over explain everythingI can’t bear being misunderstoodEven though it’s inescapableI bite my nailsIt’s a nasty habitI just don’t care I’m selfishNot all the time but a lotDefinitely more than I preferI’ve hurt the people I’ve loved the mostBeyond reparationI have been violentDespite viole...
the beautiful mundane
shot on 35mm film
