Posts of "Bitter Karella" from "patreon"

Midnight Pals: Revenge

Dickens: okay listen up, you grinches, i'm about to melt your icy hearts with another tale of yuletide joyDickens: it's called the mother's eyesDickens: it's about this guy who murders a guy cuz he has a weird eyePoe:Dickens: and then his guilty conscience causes him to go insanePoe:Dickens: i know what you're thinkingDickens: 'Charles, how did you come up with such an original concept?'Poe: that's not what i wasBa...

Midnight Pals: More Christmas

Charles Dickens: ho ho ho it's me, Mr Christmas!Dickens: time for more Christmas cheer!Poe: it's january, charlesDickens:Dickens:Dickens:Dickens: you know what your problem is, edgar?Dickens: you don't love Christmas!Poe: you're lashing out, CharlesDickens: it's true!Dickens: why, you're nothing but a…a…Dickens: you knowDickens: aDickens: a guy who hates Christmas!Dickens: god, i wish there was a pithy name for that ki...

Midnight Pals: Liberalism

JK Rowling: hello children Rowling: i finally know why the ungrateful kidss thesse dayss have been rejecting harry potter Barker: we all figured that out a long time ago Poe: clive Barker: oh i'm sorry edgar Barker: am i wrong? Poe: Poe: no you're not wrongRowling: you know why the children today don't like harry potter? Barker: oh this is going to be good Rowling: it'ss becausse they've fallen out of love with liberalisssm Ba...

Midnight Pals: It's January

Poe: boyPoe: boy it's sure been a year, hasn't it?King: edgar, it's JanuaryPoe: it looks like the regime is letting upMary Shelley: how do you figure thatPoe: they demoted greg bovinoMary Shelley: not good enoughShelley: i want him [redacted]Shelley: and also [redacted]Shelley: [redacted]Poe: whoa! Mary!Poe: you can'tPoe:Poe: wellKing: she's not wrongPoe: i didn't say she was wrongPoe: it's justPoe: there might be mods...

A Special Presentation 329: The Ruben Award [1 of 2]

In theory, we were supposed to talk about the Rube Goldberg-penned 1930 film "Soup to Nuts," but we got distracted and instead went through the entire history of the Ruben Award. The important takeaway is that, for a podcast ostensibly dedicated to comic strips, we know remarkably little about comic strips. Mike gets really made about Rhymes with Orange in this episode.

Midnight Pals: Sexy Santa

Dickens: you're all a bunch of humbugsDickens: none of you understand the true meaning of Christmas!Barker: what about Katherine arden?Dickens: what?Barker: her book is about the real reason for the seasonKatherine Arden: whatArden: i didn't write anything about ChristmasBarker: no but you wrote about that hot, hot fuckable santaArden: i did not write about fuckable santa!Arden: i wrote about morozko!Arden: he's a totally different my...

Midnight Pals: Christmas Forever

Charles Dickens: merry Christmas, everyone!King:Poe:Koontz:Barker:Lovecraft:Poe: it's January, CharlesDickens: not to me!Dickens: to me, it's always Christmas!Dickens: who's in the mood for another dickens holiday classic?Poe: it's not really the season, CharlesDickens: it's Christmas all year long as far as I'm concerned, edgar!Dickens: the people want more Christmas stories and by kris kringle i'm gonna give it to th...

A Special Presentation 328: Betty Boop

Betty Boop is in the public domain now! Well, sort of. The original Betty Boop, where she's a dog, is in the public domain. To commemorate this momentous day, we look at three incarnations of the Boopster: her original appearance in "Dizzy Dishes," her appearance with Little Jimmy in "Betty Boop and Little Jimmy," and the Bill Melendez special "The Romance of Betty Boop."

Midnight Pals: Eureka

Poe: Submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of eurekaPoe: this is going to be a little different from my usual stuffPoe: it's actually a scientific meditation on the nature of the universeBarker: is this one of those things where you have to be high to get itBarker: cuz if it is, i want to know nowPoe: no! it's not just some ridiculous navel-gazing drivel!Poe: it's actually a complete system of cosmol...

Midnight Pals: By Volume

[scottish castle] JK Rowling's agent: hey joanne agent: you wanted to see me? JK Rowling: yesss Rowling: i want to enquire Rowling: how are sssales of the hallmarked man? agent: agent: sales of what? Rowling: the latesst cormoron ssstrike book agent: agent: you're still writing cormoron strike?Rowling: of courssse i'm sstill writing cormoran ssstrike booksss! Rowling: it'ss my main thing! agent: i thought you pivoted entirely to p...

Midnight Pals: Derelictions

Adam Nevill: Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this the tale of the wyrdNevill: it's actually not so much a tale now that i think about itKoontz: is it more of a story?Nevill: close, dean!Nevill: a story is another word for a taleNevill: but good tryNevill: this is what i like to callNevill: a derelictionKing: ooo! sounds spooky!King: i like thatKing: "dereliction"King: just rolls off the tongueNevill: okay so...

A Special Presentation 327: Saturday Morning Preview Park [3 of 3]

In 1984, Weird Al Yankovic teamed up with Scooby Doo to host a special preview of all the cool upcoming cartoons that kids could see on ABC Saturday mornings that season. For a long time, it seemed like no one had taped that special and it was doomed to be forever lost media. Well, someone finally uploaded it to the Internet, so now we can finally see... Saturday Morning Preview Park!

Midnight Pals: Gryffindors

JK Rowling: hello childrenPoe: oh hi joannePoe: do you have something toRowling: I have sssomething to sssayPoe: is it aboutRowling: iran ssseemss to be unusssually full of gryffindorsssPoe: oh!Poe: oh i was not expecting thatPoe: i thought it was gonna be aboutBarker: you thought it was gonna be about trans women?Poe: yeah i really thought it was gonna be about trans womenPoe: this is kind of a pleasant changePoe: a little odd but pleasantBarker...

Midnight Pals: Mannequins on the Move

Stephen King: guys i just came up with a great idea for a storyKing: what if you saw a bunch of mannequins driving a car?Lovecraft:Barker:Poe:Koontz: whoa!Koontz: that would be crazy!King: wouldn't it?Debbie Dadie: excuse meDadie: excuse meDadie: well actuallyDadie: i am afraid that i must point out a factual error in your statementDadie: mannequins don't drive carsMarcia Jones: indubitably!King: think about itKing: usually when you see m...

Midnight Pals: Lectures

[unicorn fuck club]JRR Tolkien: sorry chaps I can't speak tonightTolkien: i'm afraid i'm quite busy at my day jobTolkien: being a professor at oxfordCS Lewis: wow, a professor AND a writer? must be hardTolkien: you have no ideaTolkien: let me tell youTolkien: being a professor is no cake walkCS Lewis: oh?Tolkien: yeah, seeTolkien: there's this one really annoying studentTolkien: i can't wait to get away from this stupid teachi...

A Special Presentation 326: Saturday Morning Preview Park [2 of 3]

In 1984, Weird Al Yankovic teamed up with Scooby Doo to host a special preview of all the cool upcoming cartoons that kids could see on ABC Saturday mornings that season. For a long time, it seemed like no one had taped that special and it was doomed to be forever lost media. Well, someone finally uploaded it to the Internet, so now we can finally see... Saturday Morning Preview Park!

Midnight Pals: Another Forever War

[white house]Trump: so we're bombing venezuela nowTrump: no reason, really, just becauseTrump: we just had all these bombs lying aroundTrump: and we thoughtTrump: why notJD Vance: masterful gambit, sirLarry Niven: MR PRESIDENT, MR PRESIDENT!Niven: we heard the news and we came as fast as we couldTrump: who's thisNiven: we areNiven: SIGMAnarrator: SIGMA is the secret code name for a think tank of costumed science fiction writers dedicated ...

Midnight Pals: Slop Machine

Damon Knight: holy machine learning process! it seems that people don't AI slop being elligible for the nebula!Knight: what to do?Knight: i'll feed the question into the bat computerErin Underwood: never fear, erin underwood is here!Erin Underwood: people don't like AI slop?Underwood: don't worry, i'll use my methodical reasoning and clever arguments to explainUnderwood: why the issue of submitting to the will of the machineUn...

Midnight Pals: SFWA Drama

Damon Knight: hello citizensKnight: it's me, damon knightKnight: science fiction writer, SFWA founder, and vigilante crime fighterBarker: yeah that scansPoe: how do you figure that, clive?Barker: i mean with a name like damon knightPoe: oh yeah that makes senseDamon Knight: i founded the SFWA for one purpose and one purpose onlyKing: was it to protect the interests of science fiction writers?Knight: no, citizenKnight: only a caped crusader wo...

A Special Presentation 325: ABC Preview Park [1 of 3]

In 1984, Weird Al Yankovic teamed up with Scooby Doo to host a special preview of all the cool upcoming cartoons that kids could see on ABC Saturday mornings that season. For a long time, it seemed like no one had taped that special and it was doomed to be forever lost media. Well, someone finally uploaded it to the Internet, so now we can finally see... Saturday Morning Preview Park!

Midnight Pals: Christmas Chimes

Charles Dickens: holy shit you guysDickens: turns out everyone really loved a Christmas carolDickens: this whole Christmas ghost story idea is a gold mine!Dickens: i'm gonna write a new ghost story for EVERY Christmas!Dickens: and each one is gonna be BIGGER than the last!Dickens: don't believe me? just watch!Dickens: ok ok okDickens: you got this CharlesDickens: how hard can it be to replicate the once-in-a-lifetime success of the story ...

Midnight Pals: Spooky Christmas

Charles Dickens: hey it's Christmas!Dickens: you know what that means!Clive Barker: Christmas was last week, manDickens: it meansDickens: what?Dickens: no no that can't be!Charles Dickens: [throwing open window] You boy! what day is today?Victorian moppet: oy, what day is it? why, it's the week after Christmas, sir!Dickens: the week after Christmas???Dickens: jesus christDickens: what a fuckin fiascoDickens: i bet this is hans Christi...

Ugly Sweater Party: Tis The Season to Save Santa!

Mike and Ethan have got the crew together again! Rocketshark, Fattyatomicmutant and Glumdrop are all here to save Christmas! Sometimes you just want Christmas to STAY. SAVED, you know? I feel like the maid! That's why we're getting together to watch Christmas episodes with the highly specific theme of "Santa is real and the heroes meet him in person", featuring Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, Men In Black: The Series, Jackie Chan Ad...

Midnight Pals: Black Mold

[scottish castle]JK Rowling: ugh! i'm tired of all thesssse people online making fun of my black mold!Rowling: that'sss it!Rowling: today isss the day that i do sssomething about itRowling: wormtongue! i call you to me!John Boyne: yes your evilness, right away your rottenness!Rowling: ah perfectRowling: ssee this is what i like about you wormtongueRowling: you're sso resspectfulRowling: not like that other wormtongue i used to haveRow...

A Special Presentation 323: Jack Frost

It's the holiday season, so it's Rankin Bass time! Rankin Bass made SO MANY holiday specials that were all sort of stealth Christmas specials. They still hold up, especially Jack Frost -- which is fun and also has everyone's favorite asshole Kubla Kraus the Cossack King!

Midnight Pals: Huffing Markers

King: you know we haven't seen JK Rowling in a whileKing: is she still tweeting?Barker: ha ha ha oh steveBarker: ha ha ha ha haBarker: ha ha ha ha ha haKing: what's so funny?Barker: ha ha ha!King: c'mon i want to know the jokeKoontz: golly, what did happen to JK Rowling?Barker: well, ol JK just doesn't come around much anymoreBarker: now she lives alone in her Scottish castleBarker: high up on miserable mountainBarker: no humans o...

Midnight Pals: Orgasm Lake

Graham Joyce: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of some kind of fairy taleJoyce: it's about a girl who gets kidnapped by fairiesJoyce: and i know what you're thinkingJoyce: but my fairies are differentJoyce: this girl is kidnapped by fairies but thenJoyce: she comes backArthur Conan Doyle: a returnee from fairyland?Doyle: my god, this could be the biggest interdimensional cross rip since the Jennifer...

Midnight Pals: Magic Book

Matt Maxwell: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of no tomorrowsMaxwell: it takes place back in the cool dank cyberpunk noir future of 1980s Los AngelesMaxwell: where veteran punk rocker turned cool chick Macready is being coolMaxwell: when she's not hanging out at cool scene clubs or posing in cool silhouette on fog-shrouded noir streetsMaxwell: cait works as a book restorerMaxwell: and now she's wor...

A Special Presentation 322: A Comet in Moominland

A comet is threatening Moominland in this animated adaptation of the beloved Moomin comics by Finnish cartoonist Tove Marika Jansson. Moomin and his pals go to an observatory to get some info about a comet that's going to kill them all. Meanwhile, a philosopher takes up residence in the Moomin household. It's all very cute. Listen to Comet in Moominland.

Midnight Pals: Romance

Colleen Hoover: anyway i have a fun, sassy little romance for you that i think you'll all loveHoover: it's totally normal and NOT fucked up in any wayPoe: ok this is really not assuaging meKing: let it go, edgarBarker: yeah i'm getting real excited for this oneBarker: too fucked up for the romance writers campfire?Barker: yeah this is gonna be a doozyHoover: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of v...