sonderlust

digital wallpaper downloads (finally!)

hi :) here's the link to a google drive with the high res digital wallpaper downloads. attached to the post are some screenshots showing a few of them on my phone. I did variations of mobile and desktop so you will have some options of each photo/piece – there are a few on there but I will add to it with more. https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/113z5e7gBfS6exB1bAKyOABRL_UIu_poT?usp=drive_linktheseare for personal use only – not for co...

lake shore limited

The woman next to me on the train stares at her phone with thumbs frozen momentarilyShe is thinking of how to word the message she’s typingShe scrolls up to look at the above messages quicklyAs a guideShe types and then pauses againThumbs frozen againShe is just like meI tried to cry slyly earlier in the ride because I didn’t want her to seeBut I know she didI wonder if she thinks I’m just like herHer phone case opens like a bookIn the insi...

glass menagerie

hot off the scanner :) new york botanical garden — shot on 35mm film

pizza tattoo reveal

careful

You asked if you could touch meThat first nightJust on my leg as we droveFully clothed and innocent stillYou said it like I was something preciousThat you didn’t want to breakI told you to be carefulYou thought I meant with me I meant with youYou didn’t listenI didn’t either We’re both really good at thatI told you that you’re a special personYou quietly agreed With a strain in your voice As if no one really saw what I was referring toB...

tucked away

new york botanical garden — shot on 35mm film

forever

Today I used the word ‘forever’ to speak about our futureI didn’t follow it up with any maybes or we’ll seesIt felt heavy in my mouthForeignLike chewing on the other sideAnd maybe I’m the last to arrive here Unfashionably lateAnd I just don’t fucking care Lover girl fights to the deathThen resurrects herselfLifts her bloodied faceJust to take another blowThe crowd goes silentThe footage plays Bathtub chroniclesCrying on street corners...

freckle update

everywhere

I am in the shower bending my arms behind meReachingTrying to wash my backI think of you because I wish you were there to wash it for me I guess maybe thinking of someone when you’re in the shower usually looks different than thatI think of you in that way too When I listen to musicThey aren’t lyrics anymoreI hear you talking to meI hear me talking to youThe meaning of everything has been hijackedI do something that makes me feel proud of mys...

you are the ocean

shot on 35mm film

braindrain

I can’t stop crying and my plants are dyingThat makes it sound like I’m unhappy but I’m notI’m everything everywhere all at onceBut I haven’t seen the movie so maybe I’m just lostI once thought I knew which direction to goBut a cat in a tree got inside my mind and laughed at my certaintyCan’t shake this feeling that nothing is meant for meBut see that’s not even trueI can’t even write a poem without contradicting myself Because ...

pov I sweat thru my clothes at dance and it’s late and I have to get in the shower but I’m wondering if you wanna get in with me

emergency

Total distrust in my own sightRetire from knowing anything, I just mightHead on collision, fatal fated nightFall from grace by shattered headlightCertainly I must be certain concerning this uncertaintySlow motion symphonySo breathtaking, so deadlyCrisis actors, my darling if only Don’t attempt a glimpse I promise you won’t like what you see Fractured body and fractured mind alikeBleeding out, all vital signs on strikeBreathlessly awaiting the...

life still

shot on 35mm film

transatlanticism

I planned on just posting A Lack of Color today, but over the past couple weeks I’ve connected with a different song on the album. I knew the song, I liked the song, but I had never lived the song. It’s taken on a completely different sound and different life to me. When I was a teenager and connected to Death Cab I hadn’t yet experienced what I’ve experienced now, so it’s weird to listen with new ears and connect to new things even 20 ...

a lack of color

I’m seeing Death Cab for Cutie live tonight for the first time. They are playing Transatlanticism in its entirety for its anniversary tour, and one of my very favorite songs by them is on that album.This song has followed me throughout the years. Historically I’ve loved people who are sad, and I am sad. Not all the time but a lot. I’ve had challenging relationships. I’ve had to fight for love. The first verse has always given words to how...

inheritance

I look into my mothers eyes and I see myselfFierceness resilience and devotion I will inherit instead of wealthI look into her mouth and I see an endless oceanOne that will drown you then perform CPR Make you feel like you’re chosenMy inheritance is even larger than that stillAlso on the table is violenceInnocence takenPain meant to killI look into her heart and I see a permanent tearIt gives her depth warmth and tendernessIt holds a weight unb...

innerbloom

Most of the songs I’ve shared so far have been rock or alternative, and most coming into my life when I was young. This one is in some ways my favorite song of my adult life. I fell in love with electronic music as an older teenager, and it’s been my most listened to genre for a long time. There are endless styles and sub-genres and I’m all into that, I even started learning how to dj a few years ago. My tastes in this genre change a lot an...

a note & update

just wanted to say thank you guys for supporting me here and reading my shit and being a part of this. means a lot to me and I’m grateful. endless vibes tier — my account got marked as ‘adult content’ (oopsie) so I’m not able to offer digital downloads in app because of that. so for the high res files I’m gonna do a google drive with those and post the link here for you every so often so thanks for your patience :) trying to get that ...

look for the light

bryant park, new york city — shot on 35mm film

the distance

A user on threads replied with a voice note with this song in the background a few days ago, and it was once again a song integral to my life growing up finding me for the first time in a long time. Cake is from my hometown but I didn’t conceptualize that as a child, I just had this album poured into me over and over beginning at 5 years old, and I recommend the whole thing. I remember me and my sisters singing “stick shifts and safety belts,...

curriculum

He had 4 faces and I loved them all It gave me a long way to fall I’m starting to think life is just a sharpening A tearing away A revelation of searing reality and raw flesh underneath We carry pain in our arms like school books Our curriculum This time I don’t think I’m a pleasure to have in classLittle girl, too fragile for this world Too heavy to hold still He showed me I was hard to love Told me I was a drug On good days I don’t beli...

if i was green, i would die

when i pray

When I pray, I pray for clarityFor guidance for protectionFor eyes to see the hilarityI ask for sightFor wisdomFor doors to be openedAnd closed accordinglyI let myself cry out energeticallyIn search of becoming who I was born to beI don’t pray very oftenBut when I do I metaphorically fall on my kneesIn awe of being hereI let myself feel the unexplainable ‘thank you’

betrayal

Betrayed by the only thing I truly haveMy body holds me but it hurts me tooMy truest love and I have a toxic bondTogether forever but I don’t think we’re happy with each other anymoreMy beloved makes me sickMakes me convulse with painMakes me nauseous and dizzyMakes me weak at the knees and faintNot in the good wayMy darling makes me sadMakes me paranoidMakes me afraidWon’t let me forget all of the painWon’t let me believe that I am truly...

silent conversation

shot on 35mm film

sinner

Chapped lips and intoxicated eyes The day before I started to become aware of your lies Slowly at firstCuriosity becomes thirstIn the delicate art of love and war I’m painfully well versedGiving me just enoughSpecializing in calling your bluffDid you really believe me When I said I was toughBut it didn’t stop there Kneeled before you like a depraved prayerCloser and closer and closer if I dareJudas kiss me on the lips Can’t take your eyes o...

destiny

I was recently at a bar, not having a very good time tbh. I was tired and not feeling social and trying my best to carry on conversations when I felt completely flat. I could feel myself being unimpressive and out of it but I didn’t care. This song randomly came on the playlist at the bar and my ears perked up — I hadn’t heard it in a very very long time. It was a song my mom always listened to in the car when I was young — it immediately...

swings

Color in my faceLight in my eyesEnergy in my body Love on my mindBlankness on my faceEmptiness in my eyesNumbness in my bodyDeath on my mindSeduction on my face Lust in my eyesFever in my bodyDesire on my mindBurning in my faceDisgust in my eyesNausea in my bodyRage on my mindContentment on my faceHope in my eyesFreeness in my body Joy on my mindTorment on my facePain in my eyesAche in my bodyLoss on my mindWry smile on my face Sparkle in my eyes...

ascension

shot on 35mm film